This topic is something that I have been hesitant to talk about. Primarily because most people think that skinny people shouldn't be insecure. They are perfect because they are skinny, but that's not the case for me. I actually hate that I'm skinny. I didn't use to be, but then around middle school, I've started getting comments on me being anorexic, and I'm here to say one thing - I'm not.
I have never been anorexic and I love food too much to be anorexic. Which that might sound insensitive, but I don't mean for it to be. I don't really know why I don't gain weight so I figure that it must just be that I have a high metabolism. We even tested my thyroid and it came out normal. Since I am so skinny I have a lot of trouble finding clothes that fit. Shirts tend to be too big and jeans either are too big in the waist or too big in the legs. It's not a fun thing to deal with and I know a lot of people deal with this problem, whether it's them being too skinny or not skinny enough.
I've had lots of problems with me being skinny or being underweight. My biggest problem that I've had is people asking me if I'm anorexic and this is what has made me so insecure about my weight. I promise I am healthy and I do eat. I have people ask me and lecture me on anorexia. I have even had people tell me that if I REALLY wanted to gain weight that all I had to do is eat more... That's not how that works. I tend to have some issues when eating. Every once in a while I get sick to my stomach months at a time and I can barely eat anything. It's not my choice and I do still force feed myself. I think this tends to happen when I'm really stressed or my mental health isn't at its best. However, other times I could eat as much as I want. So when people tell me that I need to eat a sandwich or comment on how much I'm eating, in general, I know at times they could be joking, but it still hurts me a lot.
If you think about it this way people struggling with gaining weight have the same problem as people trying to lose weight. However, people like me tend to not talk about it, because society thinks skinny people are the perfect body type and that we should be happy with it. So whenever I would tell someone that I don't like how skinny I am they would get mad at me and tell me that I'm perfect and continue to put themselves down. I don't mean for this to happen and so after a little, I realized that I should just never talk about it. That's not true though, because then I just started to internalize it and it would eat me up. I would look in a mirror and only see bones. I constantly thought I looked ugly because all I was, was skin and bones. I would be so happy when I gained weight and then I would cry when I lost it again. I'm doing much better with accepting my weight, but it's still hard for me. I have to tell my friends not to make comments on my weight because it instantly made me feel awful.
I have started gaining weight and I'm really happy about it, but I'm still not where I want it and I still feel like I'm just skin and bones. I know I might get hate for writing this article, but it's something that's really important to me.
