For me, my first year of college is best described as a time capsule. When you first leave to embark on a new and fantastic journey, life at home is presumably kept just as it is. Of course, in reality, home doesn't pause or stop when you leave; it continues on, changing with time just as you do by diverging from it. This is one piece of the college puzzle I never expected to exist: that as you adjust to college, your family and home life adjust, too. In truth, processing this new awareness, especially as it’s applied in action, has taken a bit more time than predicted.
One element, in particular, and one that has impacted me most personally, is the corresponding adjustment of siblings. My own sister has always been a huge part of my world; she has been my subjugated playmate from the start, in addition to being my most loyal best friend (sometimes under force). After coming home from college my first year, adapting back to home life with my family, and then taking a vacation together in Toronto, I have come to realize something saddening, yet at the same time equally beautiful. In such context, it is sad in the fact that I am no longer the big sister who accomplishes it all, yet it is just as beautiful because my little sister has spread her wings.
As I first saw it, she had overtaken me in the pedestal of our comparative lives. I have always been the one with perfect grades, who excelled in all my athletics, who always made my parents proud, and who set a stellar example for my little sister to follow. I have often been perceived as the one guaranteed for success as a doctor or professor with a precise plan on how to get there, whereas my sister has always been the more laid back one with the gentler soul, the more caring heart, and the one with a greater calling toward emotional intelligence. I have always believed myself to be more fashioned for the competitive aspects of life, ready to make change and climb the scales of my own caliber of achievements with determination, perseverance, and skill. Yet today, as I look up and observe my beautiful little sister, I no longer see the inferior playmate staying reserved in my shadow, but instead an independent young woman who has the capacity to love more than anyone I know, who is so smart and who is able to speak her mind with purpose and poise, who has established her own personal style, and who is no longer growing, but has already grown, into her independent skin. Out of all of this, more baffling is the fact that my little sister has become the person I have always aspired to be.
Common to the human race, little sisters instinctively look up to their big sisters as role models to champion them through life, and rightfully so; big sisters know all of the answers, the secrets others won’t tell, and the tricks to getting what they want. I know my own little sister has done her fair share of that, but what I didn't know is that my own little sister would become my role model. I decided to write this piece for all the big sisters out there who finally begin to see their little sister as who she is-- not weak, not dumb, not clueless, not naïve, and not dependent; she is strong, she is smart, she is beautiful, and she has finally spread her wings from the freedom yielded by your college separation. She has been released from your shadow and granted her own time to explore her own self-defined limits and her own capacity for success. She has become her own person and she is beautiful. For me, yes, this was scary and confusing and sad all at once, but it was also so amazing because I came to realize that, as her big sister, I played a huge part in her incredible metamorphosis.
Big sisters, I write to you to say this very important thing: go on and mourn the loss of your sisterly authority, but don't ever try to "put her back in her place." Let her fly, let her be free, and let the next chapter of your relationship begin. Life is crazy, and as a result she has changed, as have you, yet most beautiful of all, that is okay. It has always been our duty to keep her grounded, fill her with our knowledge, and remind her that we will always be better because we are older, but now, after college, it is all different; we may still be older and maybe still a little bit smarter, but everything else has changed. I am so, so proud of my own little sister, and I am now thrilled to see what she can teach me. It is not going to be easy, but I have vowed to myself to loosen the reins and give to her the power and support she deserves. My little sister will always be the most important person in my life because sisters are forever and for always, and everything for her is worth it.
I love you to the moon and back, Maddie Claire. Now, it's time for you to go and be free…
