I'm a single mother of a three year old little girl and my biggest goal right now is to pursue a career. Rather it be the dream to become a well-known author or simply a journalist at a local newspaper. I have always wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. I can still remember when I was only seven years old and I had written a short story called Eyeball Creek. I had always known I was destined to write, but I had always drove myself apart from the opportunity to do such.

I was only eighteen years old when I had graduated high school and started college, and I had the craziest dream to become a Paleontologist. Yes, that is exactly what you think it is. It's the study of fossils. Most importantly Dinosaur fossils. I've always had a fascination with Dinosaurs and I can thank The Land before Time for that. But I had always known that even though I loved Dinosaurs, Paleontology wasn't going to be profession. Neither was Culinary Arts, although I had always loved watching cooking shows and wanted to make birthday and wedding cakes for others. I just never enjoyed baking as much as I did just cooking. Never enough for a profession though.

I'm now almost twenty-three years old and I have dropped out of college twice. And it isn't because I don't believe college is for me, but it's rough being a single parent with no vehicle, a job, or reliable means of a babysitter. Recently having to move back in with my parents, I'm left with having to rely on them for everything, but it isn't enough to survive and live.

All I want is to go back to school and prove to those that don't believe in me. I want to pursue a career in journalism. I want to be able to provide for my own child without the help of others, but when things in my life fall through I am always hearing "I told you so" from almost everyone I know. It's like everyone knows I'll fail, like no one believes in me. I've never been able to support myself without help and when I try, it's always a bust. And it's worse when you're suffering from a mental illness, most importantly Borderline Personality Disorder.

No one takes into consideration that the simplest things can set us off or that it can trigger something in us. I find it so hard to concentrate on a goal when I'm treated like I can't accomplish anything. And someone keeping you from that goal makes you feel like you're not worth it. For once in my life I just want to succeed. I want to know what it feels like to be celebrated for something you've worked so hard for. I want to know what it feels like to receive that GPA of a 3.5 or higher. I want to get that Masters degree and say I did it! But I can't do that when every one is showing me I can't. I can't succeed when everyone is kicking me in the dirt.

I can't do it when everyone is pointing fingers at me saying that I am nothing. And no one is there is help me. Sure, I have a roof over my head and food on the table, but where is the help I need to become successful? I am pushed every day to get a job, but there is no one there with a helping hand. It's like I am involuntarily being signed up for failure. I was supposed to have been the first one in my family to go to college. I was supposed to have been the first one to have proven to my family that it's possible. But that role had been taken away from me when my parents had decided to go back to college. I was supposed to have made something of myself. But it didn't seem possible with so many knives in my back.

And all of this was to show my daughter that graduating high school and going to college was a good thing, but there are so many broken roads that deny your every wish. I wanted to show my daughter that dreams do come true, but it doesn't seem possible when every one is against you succeeding. As of now I am unemployed single mother struggling with no back bone to make something of herself. I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking her mother was a failure, but just in three years I have ran into some really bumpy roads and I feel like I failed her. Yes, I'm a single mom and I spend every waking moment with my daughter. But I don't feel like I'm showing my daughter a good example of what dreams are. There are women out there that are single stay at moms taking online college classes. There are women out there that are working single moms and they're doing everything they can to take care of their child. But I feel like no one knows the struggle of the stay at home mom that wants to go back to school, that wants to work to support her child...but can't.

No one understands what it feels like to have people breathing down your neck to do something, but they're not willing to help.