Cuffing season is about to go out with a bang (or should I say a bone) on everyone’s favorite holiday.. Valentine's Day. But if you’re like me, the day once spent anxiously waiting for your crush to drop a “You-da- Best” valentine on your desk has quickly turned into an annual reminder that “You-da single friend”. And whether you’re single by choice or chance, Valentine’s Day has the potential to leave you crying into a box of chocolates, chugging wine from the bottle, or an impressive combination of both, known only by the pros. After discussing this serious matter with my own girl gang I came up with “A Single Girl’s Guide To Valentine's”; an article on how to be single and loving it on Valentine's Day. (And also how to not look bitter and not puke in your mouth when you get on Instagram.)
If you are flying solo this Valentine’s Day, incorporate one or all of these suggestions into your day to prevent falling victim to SAD, Singles Awareness Day.
1. Wake up just as flawless as ever.
There’s plenty of things we’d rather do than be single on Valentine’s day; kiss an ex, drink bleach, eat moldy cheese, or lick the back of a porcupine in the middle of Antarctica while only wearing a pair of slippers just to name a few. But you were single yesterday, you’ll be single tomorrow, so being single on V-day won’t kill you. There’s no reason not to wake up just as fierce and fabulous as you always do.
2. ONLY LISTEN TO BEYONCE ALL DAY.
Your existence doesn’t depend on your relationship status, but it’s not a bad idea to remind yourself how much badass, lady boss you embody. When I asked my girl gang what their favorite single girl anthem’s were they pretty much all agreed on everything Beyonce (duh). So turn up the volume on every song from Run the World (Girls), 6 Inch Heels, Single Ladies, Me, Myself & I, Sorry, Diva, Flawless, Grown Woman, Survivor, to Independent Woman. And BTW she’s pregnant with twins incase you just woke up from a coma.
3. Skip on buying yourself flowers this year.
About 38% of women admit to having no problem buying themselves flowers except when it comes to Valentine’s Day. What I suggest is that if you’re absolutely adamant about the flowers, save yourself the pity purchase and buy them the next day when they’re on sale.You don’t want to be that girl in line at Target on the biggest commercial holiday with arms full of flowers, tampons, wine, and chocolate. At that point you might as well be wearing a sign that says, “I’m single and miserable.” Cupid’s arrow might have missed us this year, but we don’t need the rest of the world to know.
4. Continue wearing all black like you usually do.
Most girls, single or taken, agree that the pink and red theme of Valentine’s Day is overdone and tacky. They also agree that not participating in the color scheme doesn’t mean you have a heart as black as your wardrobe. My response is to throw on my favorite black shift dress and think of it as mourning all the wifed up girlfriends I’ve lost and boyfriends that turned out to be the best thing I never had.
5. Get a pedi/mani.
If you aren’t getting your feet rubbed at home this year there’s no better place than the nail salon. You’ll feel so relaxed that you’ll forget you’re even single..until, of course, the lady painting your toes asks about your boyfriend and you’ll have to say no and then she’ll frown sadly and tell you you’re still pretty anyways. On second thought, maybe treat yourself to an at home pedi/mani where there are no questions asked.
6. Hit the gym.
Don’t get bitter on Valentine’s Day, get better! Walk your fine ass to the gym and start doing squats for every crush you’ve ever had. Follow that up with as many crunches as number of days in your last relationship. Next multiple the number of times you’ve cried over a guy x2 and set your cardio for that long. If you are running for over an hour maybe this will teach you to start loving your makeup more than your men.
7. Stay off social media for the love of God… you will thank me!
The most popular response as to why we single ladies loath Valentine's Day was all thanks to social media. You can’t get on Instagram without seeing millions of sappy, lovey-dovey captions posted by couples you saw screaming at each other at the bar last weekend. Like damn Jenny, does Tommy’s cheating habit really complete you?! To avoid getting a headache from so many eye rolls, just stay off of social media for the day and order a pizza instead.
8. Indulge in "Sex and the City."
One suggestion I loved was to spend the day watching "Sex and the City." Amazing idea ladies!! What could be better than watching four fabulous gal pals get screwed and screwed over by every type of guy we’ve ever dated and hated? The younger guy, the older guy, the one hit wonder, the one we thought was the one, the athlete, the childhood friend, the one with a girlfriend, the clinger, and the one who broke up with us over text. Who needs therapy with a show like this?
9. Watch a movie with leading ladies.
Valentine’s Day is about celebrating and just because you’re a party of one doesn’t mean you can’t participate. Get your girl gang together and enjoy their company along with your ex-boyfriend’s Netflix account. Because girlfriends (and Netflix) never tell you not to eat that fourth piece of pizza while binge watching movies all night. Here’s the movies my own favorite leading ladies suggested: Clueless, Some Like It Hot, Legally Blonde, A League of Their Own, The Cheetah Girls, The Other Woman, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, How to be Single, He’s Just Not That Into You, Mean Girls, Hunger Games, Mad Max, She’s the Man, Charlie's Angels, Easy A, Troop Beverly Hills, Fried Green Tomatoes. (Sidenote: THIS LIST IS AMAZING SHOUT OUT TO MY GIRL GANG FOR KNOCKING IT OUT OF THE PARK, THANK YOU)
10. Wine, wine, wine.
I jump at the opportunity to drink wine for any occasion, but Valentine’s Day is one of my favorites. There is no problem too big, small, or pathetic that wine can’t solve and who really cares if you didn’t find love in the club this year anyways? You don’t need a day on the calendar, a man, or a diamond ring to remind you how much you are adored. However you decide to spend your Valentine’s Day, please promise me that at the end of the day (or middle, I won’t judge) you ditch the zero and get with the real hero- an extra large bottle of vino.
Finally, with all the love in the air I can only wonder how long I’ll be able to hold my breath because, truth be told, finding love isn’t exactly on my to do list at the moment. However, using Valentine’s Day as an excuse to celebrate doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Celebrate yourself, celebrate your family, friends, co-workers, baristas, and mailmen. Because they deserve it and so do you.
Happy Independence Day, ladies.
Peace, love, and as "Parks and Rec" said, “Hoes over bros, uteruses over duderuses, ovaries over brovaries.” Word.
xoxo
