Everybody needs somebody love. No one wants to live a life unnoticed. There is so much judgment placed on those who hit a certain age and find themselves not in a committed relationship. I'm 26 and unmarried. I can't speak for anyone else when I say this but the closer I get to 30, the more I ask myself, "What are you doing with your life? When are you going to have kids? Why are you still single?" The last question is the hardest one to answer due to its level of self evaluation.
I've always felt very independent so this was hard for me to write. Why should having a relationship or not having one add any validation to my life? With so many dating options for this generation, dating has become less personal and more technological. The intention was to make dating easier, but one can't help but wonder if modern dating actually had the reverse impact. Has technology made finding lasting love and really connecting to other people harder? There is a constant reminder that I'm not alone in my feelings about being single with shows like "Married At First Sight,." Shows like that are evidence that there are singles who yearn for a relationship. But do shows like that also prove that people are less willing to work for it and therefore more likely to fail? Although I'm aware that there are people who feel the way I do, it doesn't make feeling alone feel any less alone.
No matter what my personal feelings on the subject, the constant advice from my elders always seems to remain the same; "Don't rush, it will come to you, just live your life." But on the other hand, people do often inquire; " So Sonya, when are you going to get married?" Not to mention, as a woman, I feel a certain desire to have children. I'm starting to feel my biological clock ticking as the big 3 0 stares me dead in the face (from a distance, but a short one none the less.) So I guess the real question is as a whole, do we only desire marriage because it's instinctual to have kids or is it deeply rooted in us to want that connection to another individual? Does society play a role in our feelings on the subject or do we feel the way we feel because it's just natural to feel that way?
I say this with a bitter taste in my mouth because I'm all for a woman who knows who she is and can stand on her own without longing for a relationship. With my 27th birthday just around the corner, I'm feeling the pressure to have all my ducks lined up in a row. Does it make me any less independent to feel this way? Why can't we have it all?
The odd thing about this is that I've never really been convinced that the argument for "soul-mates" is valid. I just don't buy into it. However I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. Maybe several different people who would have made a good match for you, but there is work involved. I believe two people come together and choose each other every day to make it work, but the pressure to find that match and make it last is incredible and sometimes unnecessary.
