There are days when we know exactly what we are feeling, exactly what we want or need, and we are sitting comfortable with all of life's circumstances. Then, there are days when we aren't sure if we are okay or not, unsure of what we need, and completely uncomfortable with everything that's going on. Well I guess I can say you aren't alone in your battles, because I know that I too struggle to find the words on most days. I guess sometimes we find solace in knowing we are not alone in our battles, because it gives us the ability to connect in ways that may be uncomfortable, but ways that are also healthy.
Sometimes when people ask you that dreaded question of, "How are you today?" and many times a lot of us immediately answer with, "Good, how about you?" or "I'm doing alright, how about you?" Sometimes I stop and think, should I have told that person how I really feel, or am I just going to waste my time trying to explain? I just feel that this interaction is so redundant that if you were to answer with "I'm doing horrible", the world would stop spinning. As crazy as this sounds, if you can physically tell someone is having a rough day, it might not hurt to ask them again for the honest answer if they need someone to confide in. But most of us, even if we are struggling, hide it behind a smile to avoid any unnecessary interactions that may make what we are feeling worse, because we may not even know what we are feeling.
Sometimes we have days where a family member asks us a question, or asks a million questions regarding life things that, well, are absolutely no fun to talk about. (I'm sure we all have had one of these moments, right?) Our families sometimes feel like we may be lying or, hiding something when in reality we have no clue whats going on in our own head. There are times when it is incredibly hard to understand and deal with things in our own heads so much so that it's like the worlds moving at a pace we'll never be able to catch up to. I guess we could say we don't know whats going on, but that wouldn't be the answer most parents would be looking for, but maybe someone that has felt that before would completely understand.
There are plenty of times where words have no ability to accurately describe the intensity of what we are feeling or going on in our heads. Sometimes there are no words for what we are feeling because there is no utterance that will do justice to those feelings we are experiencing. It's kind of like sitting in an art gallery with blank walls surrounding you. What does that even mean? I guess it's everyones own interpretation but maybe no words do justice to the grandiosity of the piece.
All I know is that these struggles that we face, make us human. They allow us to feel things with such intensity, that it makes our own formation of consciousness our own, and no one else's. You're the only one that truly knows how you feel, well even if you don't have words for it, you still feel it, alone. Being alone with your thoughts, sometimes may even feel lonely, but the perspective of our feelings is what truly constructs the way we feel.
Never forget that you're the only one that has walked in your shoes, and that's something that no one can ever take from you. The intensity in which you perceive and feel things, has been built on experiences that have shaped you into the person you are.
It makes you, you.
