A dog is man's best friend. But you've never had a dog, so by the transitive property you've never had a best friend. You've barked and begged your whole life for a puppy, but it was no use. It's a ruff life for those of us who have never had a four-legged companion. Here are the signs you've spent your life in the dog house and never had a dog but have always wanted one.
1. "Puppy" always had the top spot on your Christmas list.
Every Christmas you dreamed about opening a big red box with a ribbon on it and having a puppy jump out and lick your face. But Santa obviously didn't have enough puppies at the North Pole to send you one too. Bah hum pug, another Christmas without a puppy!
2. You frequent pet stores.
You know you've sent your parents a picture of you holding a puppy with the caption, "Pleeease?"
3. You've fantasized about breeds and names.
It changes every Christmas and birthday, but you have the breed, gender, and name carefully selected for your new puppy that you still won't get for the nineteenth Christmas in a row.
4. You have even found multiple breeders.
You've done your research via Google and found the perfect breeder on a farm in the middle of nowhere.
5. You have high-tailed it to people's houses with puppies.
You know you've befriended someone just because they had a puppy. "Hey, wanna hang out? We could go to your house!" you say to your "friend" who just got a puppy.
6. You've cried at the SPCA.
You've been to the SPCA many times and cried about how there are so many dogs that need homes and you just can't save them all (or any).
7. You decided when you'll get one.
You've decided that you'll get your very own puppy when you graduate and it'll be the best day ever.
8. But then you had to paws and really think about it.
You've come to the sad realization that you won't have enough time to give a dog attention if you work every day and you won't have enough money to pay for vet bills.
9. You've fantasized about finding a dog wandering on the side of the road.
Although the chances are slim, you have a game plan for if you ever see a dog wandering the streets alone. How could your parents say no if you happened to find it?
10. You've considered keeping one as a dorm room pet.
You've considered unleashing yourself from all school rules and bringing a pooch in as a third roommate. If it doesn't bark nobody will notice it's there, right?
11. You've imagined all the fun stuff you'll do with your best friend.
You'll teach them cool tricks, they'll cuddle in your lap while you watch TV, and you'll take them on walks through town.
One day, you'll stop researching breeders, crying like a hound dog at the SPCA, and dreaming Santa will deliver you a puppy. You've waited 20 years in this dog-eat-dog world already, and hopefully that day comes sooner rather than later.
