15 Signs Your Partner Is Saying "No" In Intimate Situations
Start writing a post
Relationships

15 Signs Your Partner Is Saying "No" In Intimate Situations

Because black and white seems to look a little grey to some people.

342
15 Signs Your Partner Is Saying "No" In Intimate Situations
Denisse Leon on Unsplash

Once upon a time a guy told me I "didn't say no" to his advances and then proceeded to cross boundaries I thought we would never get near that night. I felt powerless. I felt like I wasn't heard.

I froze up. Fear took over and I lost my will and capability to fight, because I had been saying no, over and over again, nearly the entire time we were together. Maybe he wasn't paying attention. Maybe he didn't care. Sure I never uttered the word "no," but I said it with my body language and with plenty of other polite denials.

Women are conditioned to be "yes girls" and give men what they want. Men are conditioned to keep trying and trying until she gives in because if you want it, you deserve it. For girls, saying "No" can be terrifying.

Women get harassed, abused, and killed for it every day. Surely not every case is life or death, but there's enough life or death cases to make every girl think twice about how she responds to unwanted advances.

From what I can tell, a lot of people had sexual consent explained to them in simple terms via a popular video comparing having sex, to drinking tea. (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend checking it out here.)

This video is brilliant and does an incredible job of explaining the basics of consent. If someone doesn't want tea, don't make them tea. If someone is unconscious, don't make them tea. Never force anyone to drink your tea.

The video makes consent seem black and white, and it is, but as you can see with the Aziz Ansari allegations, it's a little more grey to some people than it should be, so to help you out, I"m going to set the record straight: There are plenty more ways to say "No" than just saying it.

1. "I don't think this is a good idea."

If your partner doesn't think it's a good idea, you need to stop.

2. Crying

This one should be obvious, but you'd be surprised.

3. Repetitive hesitation

If your partner seems really unsure about everything and hesitates over and over when you're kissing or going further, you need to check in, slow down, and probably stop.

4. Pulling away

If they're pushing your hands away, moving to put distance between you, and turning their head when you try to kiss them, the answer is no.

5. "I changed my mind."

This is about as straight forward as it gets. They were into it, and now they're not. That means you stop.

6. Changing the subject

If your partner starts commenting on the color of the bedspread or the pattern of the curtains while you're making out, that means something is wrong. Stop.

7. Clear, visual discomfort

Avoiding eye contact, tense muscles, being jumpy, pulling away, expression of fear, uncertainty, or distress, etc. These all mean "no."

8. "I don't think I'm ready."

If they're not ready to go any farther, don't go any farther.

9. "Not right now."

Maybe later, maybe tomorrow, maybe never, but definitely not now.

10. "I don't know."

Your partner is shutting down. They don't know how to respond or what to do. Stop until they can sort out everything they're feeling.

11. Silence

No response means no.

12. Not responding

If kissing your partner starts to feel like kissing a brick wall, it's time to stop.

13. "I don't think I like that."

This means stop.

14. "This is moving really fast."

This means things have already gone farther than they expected and they want to stop.

15. "I'm tired."

They may not be tired at all, but they don't want to do anything physical, so the answer is no.

Basically, you should never have to convince someone to drink your tea. If you have to talk up your tea, tell someone how great it is and convince them that they want some, it's highly likely that they do not want your tea.

If they finally give in and agree to drink your tea, they might have only done so to get you to shut up, which isn't healthy. It's coercion which can be just as (and possibly even more) traumatizing than any other form of sexual assault.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

How to Celebrate Valentine's Day Without a Valentine

You know YOU are not determined by your romantic status

522
How to Celebrate Valentine's Day Without a Valentine
https://www.southbostontoday.com/celebrating-valentines-day-in-southie-next-thursday-of-course/

Although the most romantic and love-filled holiday is right around the corner, it's important to know that Feb.14, the middle day of the shortest month of the year, doesn't need to be determined by your current romantic status. With that being said, you can either choose to sulk over the fact that you're single or you can make the best out of Valentine's Day without even having one.

Here are a few ideas to celebrate the day:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

7 Fun Facts About The Eiffel Tower

The iconic landmark is reinventing itself with a splashy new color.

1996
Eiffel Tower

Soon, the 2024 Summer Olympics are coming to Paris, and the Eiffel Tower will be in the spotlight.

Embedded so much into Paris's identity, the iconic landmark is no stranger to historic events and world-class gatherings over the years. It is sure to shine again.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Blue Skies Weren't Always Blue

You don't just start as the person you are meant to be; there is a journey full of ups and downs that mold a person, so this is my journey.

3080
Blue Skies Weren't Always Blue

Overall I'd love to say I grew up a happy overly enthusiastic child that was taught to love herself and be loved by everyone else, but I can't say that and I never will. My smile wasn't always as bright as it is today, but this is the story behind my smile, the story about how I got here to the happiest place I'll ever be. I'll begin at freshman year of high school.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants

Just remember sometimes it is gonna hurt, whether we want it to or not!

5974
The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants
Where to start...... Let me start with the cliche that life throws us curveballs and what we do with it is what counts.

One day he walked into my life. UNEXPECTED! And one day he walked out!

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

See which conversations rose to the top on Odyssey this week!

5327
Pixabay

New response writers means exciting new conversations on Odyssey! We're proud to spotlight our talented creators and the topics that matter most to them. Here are the top three response articles of last week:

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments