To the girls that suck at being girls, it's okay.
1. You don't carry a purse.
Back when I was in middle school, I sometimes tried to fake the whole "girly-girl" deal, so I begged for a Coach purse to fit in with the other ladies. Of course, my very prissy mother was thrilled, and took me to the Coach Outlet to pick the perfect purse. Well, we bought it. I wore it. It got in the way. I got tired of it. I stopped carrying it. I starting stuffing my jacket pockets. I still do. Life is better than ever.
2. Your idea of makeup is mascara and chap stick.
Me. Me. OMG, ME!
On a normal day, I wear mascara and lipstick. The lipstick is slightly girly you say? Well, I wear it for practical reasons. Lipstick makes it less obvious when my lips began to get dry and gross from the scorching heat of Mississippi. ( I should probably drink more water) On the days I'm trying to be cute, I hastily bestow something vaguely resembling a line above my eyelashes (not necessarily on my eye line).
I once had a guy at work to tell me how uneven my eyeliner was. Some girls would be crushed by this, but not me. At that moment, for the millionth time in my nineteen years of living, I realized I sucked at being a girl, and I didn't care. Not one bit.
3. When you're seen with nail polish, it's usually chipped.
I get a yearly professional pedicure, unless I have a really fancy event to attend. I only get nail polish on my toes because the fingernail polish on my hands just really disturbs me. It just feels unnatural! In a way, it's just distracting. (Maybe I have a really short attention span) Anyway I never remove the fingernail polish when it begins to chip. I just let nature run its course. This makes my mother so angry. I think it's hilarious, so I call her to tell her about my chipped polish. I really just like hearing her outraged response. Which reminds me, Mom, I still have polish on my toes from May. It's July.
4. You have no sense of "fashion."
My uniform, as my mother refers to it, usually consists of some t-shirt I got from a club or camp accompanied by some form of cloth to cover my legs. On one of my darkest days, I wore Chacos with a felt front button up skirt. The important thing is I wear clothes. Okay?!
When I actually try to look presentable, I wear a plain t-shirt ( an upgrade front screen-printed club shirts) with jeans. My "cute" outfits are usually taken directly from the manikins. Fake it until you make it. Right?
5. Your shopping trips are quick, too quick
I can go in a store, and in less than 5 minutes, I know if I'm making a purchase. I'd like to think it's a gift. I'm sure the store employees think I'm a thief because of my clothes snatching, speedy walking and abrupt exiting. 99 percent of the time I'm not trying the clothes on, so that definitely makes for a shorter shopping venture.
Because of my impatience and hate for shopping, I typically shop alone. It's just best. Trust me, I've tried. (Sorry, Mom)
6. You take guys' traditional role in conversation.
When it comes to being approached, I think I'm probably every guy's worst nightmare. I always flip the script halfway through the conversation. I have them wondering, "Is she trying to talk to me or am I trying to talk to her?" I'm sorry guys. I'm just super awkward and maybe a little dominant at times. Hey, I started letting guys open the door for me sometimes. That has to count for something. To the ladies that still believe in chivalry, I'm sorry. I've helped destroy the sweet set up we had in place.
7. Most of your friends are guys.
(The following statements are a slew of sexist generalities.) Guys make such good friends! They don't cry, they are easily entertained, and they can kill bugs for you. I've just always liked hanging out with guys more. This is probably because I was always trialing behind my older brother and his friends. ( Most girls usually won't like you for this, but hey, whatever.)
8. You "don't do heels."
This is because I'm clumsy, and I don't want to. I've just gotten to the point where I will wear wedges do fancy events, but I'd rather have on tennis shoes any day! Why would I want to walk on two angled platforms that are balanced on a narrow stick? It just doesn't make sense.
9. Bodily functions don't phase you.
You know, it still amazes me that people think ear wax and popping pimples are gross. Maybe I'm just a weirdo, but I can see vomit and talk about BM without batting an eye. I guess I just don't believe in TMI. It's just natural, right? Here's to the girls that think farts are funny and pimples are the world's 8th wonder!
10. You just don't care.
When it comes down to it, you just don't care about trends, societal governance, and gender norms. You aren't afraid to be yourself. Even if that means getting strange looks and getting put on your school's worst dressed list. You suck, but you're happy. Congratulations, you discovered the meaning of life.
