Ah, summer — the birds are chirping, the sun is shining and I'm sneezing my brains out. Whoever says summer is the best time of the year is a dirty rotten liar and has obviously never experienced the hellishness that is allergies. God smiled on them the day they were born and said, "Yeah kid, Mother Nature isn't going to hate you for existing — don't worry." However, if you're unlucky enough to be like me, living with year-round allergies can really cramp your style. Everything sucks, from camping to cuddling your cat. Not sure if you're suffering from the invisible pollen and dust demons? Here's five signs that you too are cursed with allergies. Welcome to hell on Earth.
1. Summer is the equivalent of hell on earth.
Swimming? Nope, pollen season, sorry. Not even water can save me now. You're asking me to mow the lawn? Do you want me to die? So much for hanging out with friends, doing lawn work, and you know, existing.
2. Having pets can be a pain.
Oh, you love cute dogs and especially fluffy cats? Too bad, cat scratches make your arms welt up, and one dog hair can clog up all your airways. Have fun dealing with weeks of sneezing and endless torture for the sake of your cute balls of fluff.
3. Gardening isn't an option.
Remember what I said about mowing the lawn? Forget having flowers because weeding and watering the suckers will involve goggles, a face mask, maybe even a hazmat suit. Don't say I didn't warn you when you're sneezing up pollen for weeks.
4. You use the pollen forecaster more than the weather forecaster.
You can name about 20 different apps for your phone to tell you when its safe to go outside. You don't know a nimbus cloud from a tornado — but hey that's life. Gotta check the pollen forecast before you go camping. Looks like a no go, it's sunny with a chance of tree sex everywhere.
5. Needles. Racks of needles.
(If you don't want to see what someones back looks like after an allergy test, I suggest closing out of this article)
God, my back is getting itchy just thinking about this hell of a procedure. People with severe allergies know what this is a picture of — someone's back after everything you're allergic to is pressed into your back and wiggled around. If you've had this done before, you know you always ask yourself, is this really worth it to be able to breathe?
Despite the fact that Mother Nature herself is literally trying to poison us, most of us folks with allergies live life just fine. Here's hoping there's a cure for allergies of all kinds (food included).
