There Was A Time In My Life Where I Resented Being The Sibling Of Someone With Special Needs

There Was A Time In My Life Where I Resented Being The Sibling Of Someone With Special Needs

Much love from someone who experienced this, too.


There was a period of my life where I really resented this part of my life. I got so sick of the sympathetic stares from strangers, they meant well, but it felt condescending. I felt like I was the person people in my religious town would look at and think "There but for the grace of God go I."

Honestly, some of them probably did. I get it, there were a lot of things I couldn't do because of who my brother is, and if you aren't used to a meltdown, they're really scary. Sometimes they're scary even if you are used to them.

Being the sibling of a special needs kid leaves you feeling invisible sometimes. That sounds cliche, but it's accurate. You become used to taking a backseat so your parents can pay attention to the child that needs it more.

I used to hate it. I hated that holidays were a ticking time bomb as to when he starts screaming and wouldn't stop. I hated that I couldn't have friends over often because he wouldn't leave us alone, and sleepovers at my house felt out of the question because he wouldn't sleep.

I'll be honest, that part was rough. It still is, but I don't resent it anymore. I understand, my brother isn't acting out to ruin things for everyone. He's scared. And he can't communicate that any other way.

Siblings of special needs kids sacrifice a lot of parts of childhood that their peers take for granted. While that is absolutely true, we aren't victims. Our family dynamic is different, absolutely, but that's ok.

I have great parents, and my feeling like a second thought sometimes growing up is not at all their fault. They did a great job, and I still felt valued. I just removed myself as much as I could because I was trying to be helpful.

Being a sibling of a child with special needs has put a lot of things in perspective for me. I felt a lot of pressure to succeed. I wanted to do everything really well because I felt like I had to do everything my brother's disability stopped him from doing.

I love my brother so, so much. I think he's a purely good person, and I think he's so smart and lives life to the best of his ability despite everything. I also appreciate him for how he's shaped me and helped me find my people.

All of my friends embrace my brother, and they never pass any judgment for the things I need to do a little differently. I love them for that, and I love my brother for helping to bring me to them. So, I no longer resent that part of my life, in fact, I love it wholeheartedly.

Siblings of special needs kids, you are incredible. You deserve to hear that. Keep going, and keep doing your best.

Do not hold yourself to an insane standard. Do not think that everyone is judging you when your sibling acts out in public. People worth caring about won't do that. Just live your life, and love what you love. That's more than enough.

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If You Give A Girl A Brother

If you give a girl a brother, she'll always have a hand to hold.

If you give a girl a brother, she'll always have a friend

and, she'll probably rely on him over and over again.

Once she realizes that he's always there she'll hand him her trust,

and for a solid sibling-ship, this confidence is a must.

If you give a girl a brother, she'll always have someone to blame

when her blood is boiling and she's too mad to remember her own name.

She'll always have someone to run to when she's in need of a good laugh

and when she's at a loss for words, someone to speak on her behalf.

If you give a girl a brother, you can expect a lifetime of fights,

but to compensate, they'll stay up watching movies and bonding many late nights.

At times he'll be her worst enemy yet always her biggest alliance.

He'll make her happier than anyone on this planet, and there is no denying it.

If you give a girl a brother, she'll always have her half of a pair,

whether it's for when she wants to dance, drink coffee or play Modern Warfare.

She's always got someone to compete with, and someone to form a team.

A backbone, a driving force behind all of her amazing dreams.

If you give a girl a brother, you better watch your back,

because if her heart is ever broken, he'll be ready to attack.

She's always got protection, no matter the date or time.

He's like her Secret Service, her partner in crime.

If you give a girl a brother, she'll always have a reason to smile.

Someone to make every vacation, every road trip worthwhile.

She'll always have the biggest critique, to point out every flaw,

but someone to respect them and see her with star-struck awe.

If you give a girl a brother, she'll always have a hand to hold,

a shoulder to cry on, her very own stronghold,

and someone to support her in every endeavor.

If you give a girl a brother, she'll be the luckiest girl ever.

God blessed this girl with three amazing brothers who are everything mentioned above and more. I love all three of them more than anyone could ever imagine and I am so thankful for all the days they've been my personal assistants, my therapists, or my goofballs to laugh with.

I really cannot fathom anything greater than having a brother — or three.

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A Thank You Letter To My Sister

We may not have gotten along growing up, but we love each other.


By looking at us, no one would ever guess we are sisters. Your caramel colored hair and deep brown eyes find themselves on an athletic girl standing at 5'2 ( and a quarter!). Who would ever guess you were related to the pale, ginger, 5'7 girl in the grade above you?

The close proximity in our ages meant we knew a lot of the same people and had a couple of teachers in common. Some siblings love this and take it as a chance for a built-in-friend, but many don't. Especially when they are as different as us. You excelled on the softball team and showed a penchant for business and marketing. I was a musical theatre kid, creative writing nerd and we were in totally different circles.

As the younger sibling, I wonder if there was any pressure to be different solely based on the fact I was older to avoid comparison. I'm going to pretend that spurred you into being the bold, beautiful and unapologetic you that you are today so I can take partial credit for how amazing your personality is.

In highschool, we fought excessively. A lot of the skirmishes were probably my misguided efforts to build a relationship with you, even if I just ended up annoying you. But, even then, I knew our family would be wildly different without you. Sure, I probably wasn't too pressed if you missed a family car ride because it meant more legroom. But the car felt so empty without the music of laughter after you inevitably made the whole car crack up. From your goofy catchphrases to impromptu songs, you bring so much joy to our family.

You are coming into your own and I am so grateful for a front row seat, especially since we get along now that teenage angst is over with. Love is so much more than high school circles or stereotypes. I am so lucky to have you as a little sister. I learn from your spunk every day and miss your classic "Lexi, Lexi Lexi..." instead of saying hi. You have also taught me to look for the ways in which different personalities complement each other instead of focusing on what seperates them. You have an amazing internship lined up, wonderful and supportive friends, and are in a great academic program. I am so excited to see where you go- just don't forget to always come home.


Your Big Sister

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