Remember being a kid, and your parents made you and your sibling dress up in ridiculous outfits for a photoshoot? And you look back at the pictures now and think, "Why would they make us wear that?" As someone who only has pictures and memories to remember my sibling, I am totally OK with being forced to wear that awful outfit.
I was 16-years-old when my brother passed away. It was not a surprise that he would pass, due to having severe disabilities. Yet, even knowing that I was going to lose the only brother I have ever known, it is something I will never fully get over. One thing I wish I did when Kevin was still alive was to thank him. Whether or not he could understand, I wish I had thanked him. I lost you way too soon.
So, I am going to do it now:
Kevin, thank you for being disabled. Thank you for making me understand hardships since I was the day I was born. Thank you for reminding me that there are far worse things than not getting that name brand coat when I was a kid. I was lucky. I was lucky that you were the person that inspired me, not only now, but my entire life. Thank you for bringing our parents together one last time when you passed, because without them we would not be here.
I want to remind you, wherever you are, that I love you. I have always loved you, and my only motivation in life is to make you proud. I miss you more and more each day -- some days harder than others. But, then I think that if you were still here, then you would not understand anything I was going through, but your beautiful smile would help get me through this crazy thing called life. I think about you often and remember all the lives your wonderful presence has touched. I want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart, it is reserved for you and only you. I know mom and dad miss you more than anything, but hopefully, by seeing me, I can be a friendly reminder of you to them.
My dear brother, I want to thank you again for being my personal muse. Thank you for being the reason I push through every day, and remember that I love and miss you.
Love, your little sister who misses her big brother.