I’ve seen videos of people burning jerseys, of individuals throwing the jerseys away, and even of little children wearing Rice’s number with the words “Be Nice to Girls” attached to the back. A situation like this is something that incites very passionate emotions, and those emotions are entirely understandable and entirely acceptable.

What is not acceptable, however, is the public’s reaction to Ray Rice’s wife’s decision to stay with him after the incident. Janay Rice made a statement to the press comparing the whole situation and the media’s response to a “horrible nightmare.” The negativity she is facing, the embarrassment she’s enduring, and the suffering she’s encountering is just as miserable as the physical violence itself. Although I abhor Ray Rice’s actions, we should not be shaming the victim and we should not be questioning her strength or her decision.

This past summer I experienced something that I never thought I would ever have to experience. The absolute love of my life drunkenly cheated on me and consequently shattered my heart into a million irreparable shards. It was something incredibly difficult to face, but for some reason I decided I wanted to stay with him. I decided that I wasn’t going to let one mistake, albeit monumental, ruin the entire relationship. I decided that I loved him, and I decided that walking away from a terrible situation such as this together would only strengthen and solidify us as a couple.     

So yes, I suffered. And yes, I cried. And yes, it was difficult. But the worst part of the entire situation wasn’t the cheating itself. No, it was the backlash I was forced to witness from the handful of individuals I chose to tell. Harsh words spewed from my friends’ mouths, disdainful looks were permanently plastered on the faces of those around me, and the judgment that surrounded me was absolutely suffocating. 

I was the girl that chose to stay with the guy who cheated on her, and Janay Rice was the girl that chose to stay with the guy who hit her. We’re both the victims, but somehow we’re also the ones who seem to face the most antagonism. We’re seen as weak and stupid, cowardly and illogical.   

Will he cheat on me again? Maybe. Will Ray Rice hit Janay again? Maybe. So maybe everyone is right. And maybe we are dumb, but it’s our decision to act that way. It’s our decision to face the consequences of staying with someone who hurt us, whether emotionally or physically. Ultimately, everything is our decision, so the shame, the contempt, and the insolence must stop from those who are not involved.

What Ray Rice did to his wife was disgusting and deplorable, and I wholeheartedly agree with any punishment that he faces. However, no blame should be placed on his wife. No judgment or shame or disdain or antipathy should be driven in her direction. The only thing she should be given is support and love and compassion, because it is only with those things that she can properly and prudently make the best decision for herself.