Friends are great. They’re people you choose, people who exist in your life with the sole purpose of making you a happier, more connected, more interesting human, and most of the time, they do a great job of it. You have funny friends, caring, mom-like friends, go-getter friends (you know, the one who always makes the reservations), and loyal friends who’d kick anyone’s ass to save yours. But there’s one friendship trait that I think is extremely important, one that often goes unnoticed. I want to give a shout-out to the friend who gives you space to be.
So what is space to be? It’s space to be happy, or sad, or angry for no reason at all. It’s space to love romantic comedies one night and be a scary movie fanatic the next. It’s space to be quiet and space to scream and cry like you might blow up an entire city. The friend who gives you that space – that’s a friend you want to hold on to. Because that friend will help you grow, change, and answer all those questions you have about yourself. And that friend won’t leave when the answer is different or harder than you expected.
The friend who gives you space to be is not necessarily the quiet friend, but it is the friend who isn’t quick to compliment. Because telling you you’re pretty or hilarious or a genius – that takes away the space. Don’t get me wrong, I love compliments as much as the next girl, but there is a certain pressure that comes with them. Get told you’re pretty one day and the next day you look in the mirror and you’re like Shi*! When did my hair get so weird? Are my teeth getting yellow? Etc. etc. It’s terrifying. Same goes with that next story you want to tell after someone says your last one was hilarious. When someone tells you that you are something, you lose the space to be anything else.
The friend who gives you space to be may know you better than anyone, but she won’t show it. She won’t point out your favorite item on the menu – “They have Brussels sprouts! Your favorite!” – or tell you that you’d LOVE this new boutique, yoga studio, or Netflix show. She gives you space to change, and feeling free to accept small changes in yourself makes it much easier to welcome big ones. I know I appreciate that space, because I feel like a completely different person every time I get a haircut or a new pair of jeans.
Giving someone space to be is a hard way to love, especially for compulsive doers like me, but I believe that it’s an important one. It takes patience and a big-picture perspective of another person, when it’s so much easier to put those we love in boxes, like I’m doing right now.
So I want to thank my friend who gives me space to be (shoutout to Sarah and my sister Lauren) and I want to invite you to do the same. Thank you for that space. Thank you for that freedom. And thank you for making this journey toward adulthood a little less terrifying. You deserve all the love in the world and a million miles of space to be however, whatever, and whomever you want.
