Not everyone is going to like you. I’m sure you’ve heard this sentence a million times. But I don’t think any of us truly understands the importance of it. It’s true, not everyone is going to like you and we shouldn’t have to bother ourselves with trying to make everyone like us. But it’s hard isn’t it? No matter what, our subconscious is always trying to please others, to gain their approval, their understanding.
As human beings, we have an inherent need to be part of a community, to make connections with others and most importantly, to feel understood. It’s why we spend our lives searching for friends and the supposed “one” that will understand us like no one else could. We want people to understand us – why we do the things we do – afraid that if they don’t understand, they will get the wrong idea and dislike us. So, we explain and defend our actions. We tell stories of our childhood, pinpoint memories and moments that have affected us and shaped us into who we are today.
But you shouldn’t have to apologize for who you are. You shouldn’t have to explain why you act a certain way or do the things you do. The truth is no one will truly understand every crevice of you but yourself. You can try to rehash old memories and try to make them walk in your shoes but no one will truly understand the pain, happiness, fear, anger or sadness that you have felt unless they have experienced the situation themselves before. There is no magical invention that will make others feel what you feel or understand your thoughts. Though wouldn’t it be great if there were?
But then again, perhaps the reason we can’t make others truly understand all of us is because we don’t truly understand ourselves either. We are humans. We are governed by irrational emotions that come and go as they please. We don’t understand why we have certain emotions towards certain things; all we know is that we feel that way. And we don’t owe anyone an explanation on why we do.
You could spend a lifetime trying to make others understand you. Why you dislike that certain food. Or why you cry when you’re angry. Or why you’re not in the mood to talk. But you don’t owe anyone anything. You can feel what you feel. You can be who you are. Why are we so preoccupied with how others see us? Why do we feel the need to make others see us the way we see ourselves? And why do we conform so that others will perceive us the way we want them to?
Not everyone is going to like you. But that’s okay. Others will. And you should not have to apologize for who you are or who you’re becoming because they have not gone through what you have. You have the right to decide what’s best for you and who you want to be. So what if they think you’re too loud? Or too quiet? Or too kind? Or too soft? Or too naïve? Or too pessimistic? So what if in that one moment, you aren’t who they want you to be? So what! You don’t owe anyone an explanation for being true to yourself.
“You will always be too much of something for someone. Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone. But don’t apologize for being who you are.” – Danielle La Porte
