Last week, my best friend and I went to a concert. The people in the opening band seemed so fun. They said they'd be at the back at the end of the show. My friend and I were going out afterward so I said that we should invite them to go out with us. We walked over after the show and awkwardly interacted with the band, but I wasn't going to have these thoughts and put this idea in the world and then not follow through. So, I asked them if they would come out with us. They said they wished they could, but that they were hopping right back on the bus after this. Maybe they really did want to go out with us and they couldn't, or maybe they just made an excuse, I'll never know, but what I do know is the ball is in their court forever and that's something I'm okay with.

I'm not a big fan of 'what ifs.' I think they are the worst. There are big what ifs and small what ifs, but I hate all what ifs. The thing is, I just find them sad and sort-of heart breaking. This is because when we don't take a chance, we are putting a cap on ourselves out of fear of one thing or another.

"I should say hi, but maybe they won't want to be my friend."

"I should ask them out, but they might say no."

"I should move forward with this relationship, but it might not work out because we aren't in the right place in our lives, and then I could get hurt."

"I should dye my hair blue, but other people might think I'm weird."

"I should go on this trip, but it could change me and something bad might happen."

We have urges but we we stop them because of fear, and then we're left with 'what ifs.' Not to say I'm not guilty, but I think I've gotten better at it. I'm not so afraid of what happens if I take a chance anymore. And I think it's because I've recognized the two biggest components of 'what ifs:' fear and love.

Love. This is why 'what ifs' exist. As humans, we have such an incredible ability, that is, to love. And so, this often leaves us questioning if we should use that ability. The desire to reach out doesn't come from the other person, it comes from ourselves. It comes from knowing we have the ability to say hi to a perfect stranger and maybe become amazing friends. It's the thought that we have the ability to continue the conversation and that, maybe, because of that we would have spent the rest of our lives with a person. It's that we have the ability to jump from an airplane and experience the rush of adrenaline.

Maybe these things don't sound like using the ability to love to you, but they are. We have the ability to love our friends, we have the ability to fall in love, we have the ability to love an experience, etc.. And why this matters is that the people who have the least 'what ifs' are usually the ones who are aware that they, and everyone else, possess this ability. People who don't recognize this human ability to love or don't understand why they have urges to put them self out there don't recognize that they aren't the only person with those urges, with that ability to love. But this is an ability we all have. Unfortunately, though, as the old adage goes: "The enemy of love is fear."

Fear. This is what keeps us from using our great ability to love. A perfect example of this happened to me this morning: I was doing something inside, and there was a guy outside doing yard work. Every time I looked over he was staring at me, not in a creepy way, he just was, and as soon as I looked back he would quickly glance away. At first, I did nothing about it, but then I decided this was a 'what if' moment. So, I walked outside and offered him a drink. He started blushing almost immediately, and he looked befuddled. He mumbled, "I'm okay, thanks," and went on with his work. Why was he so afraid of saying yes?

It's because he was afraid he was misinterpreting me, and he didn't recognize that we share the same ability. "She's probably just trying to be nice, and if I say yes and talk to her, she may think I'm weird." But of course, I had those same thoughts before I offered him a drink. But now, I don't. I eliminated all other possibilities by simply putting myself out there, taking a chance. I'll never have to wonder what would have happened if I did so. Because, it's never the answer that really eats away at us and becomes a 'what if' when we don't take a chance, it's that we allowed fear to control us. It's fear that trumps our ability to love, and isn't that the heart breaking part of 'what ifs'? That deep down we know we could have put ourselves out there, we could have used this ability, but that we allowed fear to stop us from taking a chance?

Now think of the biggest thing you have ever forgiven. Unless you are an extremely fortunate person, that is probably a really intense and incredible thing that you decided to forgive. The fact that you were able to love that person despite what they did to you, that is how incredible your ability to love really is. We all share this great ability. We need to recognize this if we want to move past the 'what ifs' in our lives. And we have to recognize that when we do have a 'what if,' it's because we allowed fear to control us.

Once we recognize these things, we can start to put ourselves out there because we begin to understand that when we do, we never have to be the one to question a situation anymore. We can move past it knowing we did all we could. I'm happy to say I have very few 'what ifs' currently, but it saddens me to know that there are some people who may be asking that about me. It hurts my heart to know how great the ability to love truly is in the world, but that so often, it's contained because of fear.

Can you imagine how beautiful our world could be if we all stopped letting fear control us, and instead of asking 'what if,' we began to use our abilities to love?

It's not too late.