If you've ever thought that I need to smile more, chances are you probably don't know me very well. I actually do smile, but you're just never around to see it. You're never around to see me smile for a reason, and that reason is me. If I don't know you or respect you, chances are you're not going to be in my corner where all the smiles you feel so entitled to happen. Not to sound conceited, but like trust, a smile is earned. I do not believe in handing out smiles like candy to children on Halloween night. If people smile all the time, then the value of the smile becomes undermined. However, there are reasons beyond simply not knowing you that cause me to refrain from smiling like a happy-go-lucky human being.
A lot has to do with my personality. In case you hadn't guessed, I am one of those rare INFJ folks. As an INFJ, I do not usually get excited and happy about the same things that most extroverted people do. Where an extrovert may get super excited about spotting a rabbit jump across the lawn, I myself will typically be unfazed. I mean, what's the big deal? It's not like you've never seen a rabbit before. I just don't understand. There are a lot of things I don't understand about extroverts, and there are a lot of things they don't understand about introverts. But you know what? That's ok.
I tend to smile and be excited about the larger things in life, but also some odd and peculiar things too. If you watched me on a roller coaster, I'd be smiling the entire time. If you watched me climb atop a mountain after a 10 mile hike, you'd see me smile. If you saw me at a restaurant when the server brings out my favorite dish, I'd be smiling. When I receive a high grade on an assignment, I'd be smiling. When I am playing soccer and my buddy misses a wide open shot, I'd be smiling, practically dying of laughter. When my friends or family experience success, I am always smiling. If we're being honest, I tend to smile at the happiness of others more than anything else. If one of my best friends got married tomorrow, I would have the largest grin in the world on my face as he stood at the altar waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle. Yet, if you weren't in my corner, I suppose you wouldn't know about any of these things.
I had mentioned earlier that smiles are earned, and for me, that is true. I am not one of those people who laughs and smiles at everything. I even have a very difficult time smiling to be polite, as that has always felt extremely artificial to me. I have always been a man of conviction, and acting in an artificial way has always been one of the things that I stand most firm against. Unless I am genuinely affected by something you have said or done, it is unlikely that I will give you the smile you so desire and expect.
But you see, that's just the thing. I may not smile very often, but when I do, you will know it's genuine. I do not mean to sound arrogant, but when I smile, you can rest easy knowing that I'm not just smiling because it's polite or because it's a societal norm. I smile because you have made a lasting impression on me. I refuse to build people up when I do not actually believe in their cause. I was brought up to be straightforward and honest and sometimes that means not smiling at every little thing you do or say. If something you say or do doesn't actually bring happiness to others but they continue to smile politely, then you will never know what people truly think of you. I'd again like to reiterate that I do not mean to sound conceited, but I hope you can appreciate the fact that out of billions of people in the world, I am one of the few who is willing to keep it real with you. If something you say or do doesn't bring happiness to myself or others, than I will be quite frank and let you know. On the other hand, if you say or do something that does bring happiness to myself or others, then I will smile as a sign to encourage you to do what it is that you are doing.
When all is said and done, there are some days where I have a lot going on in my life and smiling is the last thing I want to do. Smiling has a tendency to invite people to be social with you, and there are times where I simply do not want to be social. The problem with society is that people automatically assume that someone who does not smile 24/7 is somehow a mean, weird, and ungrateful human being. I can assure you that is not the case, at least not with myself.
I have a small family with a history of drama and anxiety tends to get the best of me more than most people. I am quick to spot attempts at manipulation and even quicker at seeing through the fallacies that people live and tell. Furthermore, I have been gifted with the ability to witness someone's character just by their actions and the way the interact with others without even knowing them. If I have ever seen you mistreat or act in a discriminatory way towards someone else, you can bet every dollar in your bank account that I won't flash you a smile. In fact, I will likely flash you something else that rests between my index and ring fingers (ok, not really, but in my head I am).
The moral of the story here folks is that you never know why someone doesn't smile as much as the next guy or gal. If you are not in their corner, then you do not know who they are or what they have going on in their life.
The next time you tell someone they should smile more, you ought to consider their reason for not doing so.
They may not be the problem; it might be you.
