Where Have All The Gentlemen Gone?

My adult dating life has consisted of being ghosted by guys, or getting stuck in an endless circle of emotional head games. Until I met someone I thought truly cared about me, loved me, and would continue to always be there for me even though I'm in Alabama and he is stationed in Fort Hood Texas.

I'd fly to see him every chance I could. We'd go shooting, shopping, he'd roll his eyes at me when I dragged him into Sephora and Ulta. I was happy. Until I was on social media and saw he had changed his relationship status. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me more, he couldn't wait to see me, and he missed me.

About a month and a half later his childhood friend reached out to apologize to me. He felt guilty for lying for my now ex-boyfriend. All of them knew he was cheating on me the entire time we were together. They hung out with us when I would come down to visit him, and they knew I was being manipulated, used, lied to, and a whole lot more. To be fair, they had bets on if their friend would even pay child support at all, so I guess I couldn't expect anything else.

Heaven forbid I cheated on him. If I was doing what he did I would be deemed a whore and written off. I'd be considered disgusting, awful, and face endless shame and ridicule. If I manipulated him, lied to him, and used him, I'd be a gold digger. But I didn't cheat on him, lie to him, manipulate him, or use him, he did all of that to me. Therefore he's just a stupid immature guy, and I shouldn't expect anything less.

Every time a guy ghosts me or hurts me people say that I should expect that from guys and it isn't worth getting upset over, and I have a huge problem with that.

Why do men short their responsibilities, think it's acceptable to make the women do all the work in a relationship, and never hold each other accountable? A guy I had been seeing for a while started to blow me off, would say one thing but do another, post pictures with random other girls where I could see it, and a bunch of other stuff. I eventually confronted him about it, and when he got defensive I asked him one question, "How would you feel if your sister was being treated the way you are treating me? What would you do?" He froze and didn't know what to say. So naturally, I continued on and asked, "Would you let someone treat your sister the way you are treating me right now? I would never let my brother or cousin treat a woman the way you have been treating me."

His answer? "I never thought about it like that."

Gee, I didn't notice.

It is such a bittersweet feeling when you can bond with other women over being cheated on, ghosted, and having their feelings hurt. It's nice to know I'm not the only one it happens to, but it's sick and messed up that almost every single woman I know has been through that.

During the height of my modeling career, I was in an abusive relationship with a man who had the Ok Cupid dating app on his phone. He had cheated on me with 14 other women. The next guy I ever seriously dated was the most recent ex I mentioned above. Plus all the other men who never even stepped up in-between.

My professor talked to me about the guy she has been with off and on for years. They'd get serious, then he'd drop off the face of the Earth and the cycle had been like that for years.

You could be with someone for four years and be cheated on the entire time, even after you have their child. Two years in, she gave it right back to him, cheated on him only one time, but he didn't find out until two years later. But despite his habitual cheating, he used her one-time infidelity as the reason to end their relationship. The best part? He had another girl basically moved in before the mother of his child and his daughter even moved out.

My friend found out that her boyfriend of over two years had been seeing someone else, while she was in the hospital. His friends constantly egged him on when he would be outright mean and disrespectful to her. He laid in the bed she bought him, with the blanket she made him, watching Netflix on her account on the TV she gave him with another woman. He knew what he did was wrong, and has at least tried to make up for it since.

At least he owned up to his mistakes and learned from it. Most of the men in the stories I just briefly told never will see what they did as wrong, nor will they ever apologize. I can say from personal experience no matter how many chances you give someone and put up with their endless cycles of head games, at the end of the day it's up to you to know your worth and when to throw your hands up. They will never change and you can't make them. The only thing you can do is never let them win.

When I finally moved on from a guy I had been going in endless cycles of acting like he wanted to be with me to just be ghosted. He got jealous and upset about it. Once I was single again, I decided to give him one last shot after he initiated the idea. He seemed to have listened. I thought he was actually trying. However, he has just fallen back into the same old routine.

I'm just curious, do you think it's funny? Do you brag about hurting women? Are you proud? Is it a contest or something? It's time to hold yourself and your friends accountable. The idea that this behavior is now considered normal as an adult is ridiculous. I know for a fact that these men would never let someone treat their mother and sisters the way they treat us. So why do you think you can do this to me or any other woman?

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