*This article contains spoilers for "Game of Thrones" through Season 6, Episode 3 and for A Song of Ice and Fire through A Dance With Dragons and spoiler chapters for The Winds of Winter *

*Also this article discusses certain events of the series, including rape, that might be triggering to individuals*

The cardinal sin of this episode was that it was just boring for the most part. There was a lot of set up for further plots that I'm sure will be resolved entirely too quickly, but not without further brutalization of women and children (as implied by Ramsay's new "Gift").

Alright, let's dig in:

Plot 1: The Wall

So after the big reveal last week, it appears that Jon Snow is alive. For such a shocking moment (for people who don't read the books) last season, the fact that he's already back amongst the living feels cheap. The emotional impact of his death is robbed from us because he's already living again.

Now I can't find the specific article (because it was from like 2014) where the argument against including Lady Stoneheart was essentially that it cheapens the experience of death throughout the show, but if that's the case I have an issue with how Jon Snow's resurrection was handled. It was basically the epitome of cheap, he was dead for two episodes and main portions of those episodes were spent looking at his dead body. If you wanted a cheap resurrection, "Game of Thrones", congrats - you got it.

Moving on from that, it still hasn't been explained why Davos cares about Jon's wellbeing. Stannis died maybe 2-3 days ago and we have yet to see any sort of reaction from Davos. His motivations don't make any sense.

The scene where Jon tells Melisandre that he apparently saw "nothing" while dead sort of spits in the face of theories that when Jon dies he wargs into Ghost for a while. In the books, all of the Stark children appear to be wargs. Arya, while trying to be Nobody, is constantly having "Wolf Dreams" where she is her direwolf, Nymeria. The show decided to have this only happen to Bran, but the prologue to A Dance with Dragons takes the perspective of a warg/skinchanger called Varamyr Sixskins where his consciousness lives on in his wolf.

This is suggested as a way to keep Jon's consciousness available, while allowing his death to be more impactful. Of course the show early on decided to bypass this route meaning all we get was the cheap resurrection from last week.

The viewer is then spoonfed the notion that Jon Snow is actually Azor Ahai and there is no subtlety involved whatsoever. Melisandre literally just basically says "You are Azor Ahai."

Basically the third word out of Jon's mouth is "Olly." Why Olly is so important to the showrunners is beyond me. They literally created him to have a clear non-villain stab Jon Snow last season. It made the Night's Watch coup a little more meaningful, I guess?

Does anyone else notice that ever since he got stabbed and resurrected, Jon Snow has this like wounded mopey puppy dog look going on? It's making it hard to take anything he does seriously, you can see it really clearly when he decides to hang four members of the insurrection.

Does the choice of the four members intrigue anyone? Here you have Alliser Thorne, Bowen Marsh, some guy I don't recognize, and Olly. I mean obviously Alliser and Bowen are actively guilty in this affair, but Olly is a child. Also interestingly the method of execution used was hanging.

If you recall, last season when about to hang Janos Slynt, Jon opts to do what Ned would have done and personally execute Lord Slynt as "He who passes the sentence should swing the sword." This is significant because Jon, as Lord Commander, seeks to emulate Ned Stark's rule of Winterfell including how Ned dispatches justice. Jon Snow wouldn't hang people, Jon Snow would personally execute them himself.

He then basically cedes Lord Commandership to Dolorous Edd and says that he has somewhere to be.

My question is where? Also won't that be awkward when Sansa reaches the Wall and Jon isn't there? In this version of the events, he hasn't received a letter (The Pink Letter) from Ramsay demanding the return of his bride and his Reek (neither of which are currently at Castle Black) and he doesn't decide to ride down to confront the Boltons.

At this point, the rumors are flying that Jon is going to replace the Lady Stoneheart plot and seek vengeance against the Freys himself which makes little sense for the character arc, but Melisandre and Davos will probably go with them since Davos's own storyline is stolen later this very episode and Melisdandre hasn't really had proper character motivations other than "burning shit" and "magic" for seasons now.

According

Plot 2: Sam and Gilly and the Miraculous Baby

So we cut to Sam and Gilly who we haven't seen since last season and they are on a boat heading to Oldtown so Sam can become a Maester. In the books, of course, Jon sends Sam and Gilly away with Maester Aemon to get all possible king's blood away from Melisandre. Remember, Aemon is a Targaryen. Furthermore, in the books Sam cannot figure out why Gilly is crying while holding the baby and it turns out that Jon swapped Gilly's baby with Val's baby (Val is Mance Rayder's consort making her child effectively the child of the King Beyond the Wall).

In the show Sam basically just states his desire to go to Oldtown so he's off to Oldtown.

Sam reveals to Gilly that he's going to send her to Horn Hill, his childhood home, once they arrive in Oldtown. They argue about it for a bit before we see the baby (named Sam in the show, Aemon in the books) who miraculously has barely aged since Gilly gave birth like ages ago. Honestly the timeline is incredibly sloppy in the show, that I'm not surprised, I'm just disappointed.

A reminder:
Myrcella has claimed to be in Dorne for years.
Fat Walda has gotten pregnant and given birth in a time that is definitely shorter than 9 months.
Littlefinger teleports around Westeros at the speed of the plot.
Jorah and Tyrion rowboat through Valyria to within walking distance of Meereen while it takes Mace Tyrell like 3/4 of a season to cross the Narrow Sea to arrive in Braavos.

I mean that's basically all we get. I wonder if Sam and Gilly will end up in Braavos first or if it's just straight to Oldtown.

Plot 3: A Link to the Past (feat. Bran Stark)

In the "Previous on Game of 'Thrones'" teaser at the beginning of the episode we were basically given every single time Lyanna Stark was mentioned in the series thus far which means that we're going to be spoonfed all the exposition needed for the R+L=J theory until they final decide to reveal it.

So in this episode we are gifted with the Tower of Joy.

Now for those who don't really know, Robert's Rebellion is kicked off when Rhaegar Targaryen abducts Lyanna Stark. After Rhaegar is slain by Robert on the Trident, Ned Stark and a group of six friends head down into Dorne towards the Tower of Joy. There they find three Kingsguard members who were suspiciously absent from the Trident: Gerold Hightower, Rhaegar's best friend and Lord Commander of the Kingsguard; Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning; and Oswell Whent.

Only two people survive what happens at the Tower that day: Howland Reed, and Ned Stark. It is known that after the battle, Ned finds Lyanna in a pool of her own blood in a room smelling like Winter Roses. There he makes her a promise, one that he has held for fourteen years, one that he took to the grave.

Ser Arthur Dayne is widely regarded as one of the most honorable knights in the entire kingdom, and an unparalleled swordsman. Ned is reluctant to have to kill these men who are only doing their duty.

“And now it begins,” said Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning. He unsheathed Dawn and held it with both hands. The blade was pale as milkglass, alive with light.

“No,” Ned said with sadness in his voice. “Now it ends.”
(George R. R. Martin, A Game of Thrones, Ch. 39: Eddard X)

After the battle Ned and Howland tear down the Tower and use it to bury the dead on both sides. He then takes Dawn, the Sword of the Morning, back to House Dayne at Starfall.

This scene is handled less than delicately in the show. For starters, the "Now it ends" quote seems cocky, and more like young Ned is actively picking a fight rather than just trying to reclaim his sister. Furthermore, though we are treated with the knowledge that Arthur Dayne is an incredible knight, he literally has one line before he's immediately slaughtered. The rest of the fight is basically Gerold Hightower (Oswell Whent doesn't exist at all) and his crazy duel-wielding swords killing like five people before almost killing Ned and having Howland stab Gerold in the back.

Not only does this scene deny Ned the opportunity of an honest victory, it just immediately spits in the face of any sort of characterization when Ned immediately hacks further at Gerold's throat once he's finally on the ground. In the After the Episode, Benioff and Weiss (who wrote this episode themselves) talks about a stark contrast between the legendary events of the Tower of Joy and what actually happened.

Which would be fine if the characters behaved in character. You have a bunch of people who are doing their duties, and they just sort of slaughter each other. It's reduced to bloodshed for bloodshed's sake, and such a poignant moment in Ned's memory is reduced to this ridiculous fight. It just feels hollow.

The moment is further shattered by Lyanna's screams as Ned ascends the Tower to find his sister.

At this point Bloodraven tells Bran that he's seen enough and ejects Bran from the Weirwood Network. Apparently in this version of the universe Bran will eventually walk again, which is honestly just disappointing as Bloodraven promises that Bran will not be an old man in a tree.

Personally I'm not sure what the point of Bran walking again would be, but I can imagine the resolution being cheap.

Plot 4: Dany and the Crones

So we're back with Daenerys who is once again being forced to walk all the way to Vaes Dothrak. Can someone get the poor girl a horse? Considering that the Dosh Khaleen are widely respected in Dothraki society, I suspect that they deserve better treatment than having to walk.

Once we finally meet the crones of the Dosh Khaleen, I am left to wonder whether we'll see any sort of representation of positive female friendship from this show. The last great example of it was Margaery and Sansa from two years ago. Since then we've got Sand Snakes who call each other "sluts" and "bitches", a bunch of slutshaming nuns, Margaery and Cersei's relationship, Cersei and Olenna's relationship and Myranda and Sansa's relationship. I would count Daenerys and Missandei as a positive friendship if they interacted more in recent seasons and if Tyrion hadn't stolen the role of Daenerys's best adviser and friend from like a bunch of characters.

When being presented to the Dosh Khaleen, Dany once again rattles off her titles again to no effect. You think she would have taken the hint that no one cares.

Also they strip Daenerys of her finery and give her a potato sack to wear. That on it's own is fine, but Emilia Clarke has reportedly said that she doesn't want to do nude scenes. We as viewers didn't see anything (unusual for HBO), but given comments she's made about gratuitous nude scenes not adding anything, was it really necessary for even the stripping to occur?

Then, despite the Dosh Khaleen being super important to the Dothraki culture, the show decides to spring on some more patriarchy bullshit because apparently all of the Khals have to approve Daenerys's placement within the Dosh Khaleen because instead of reporting directly to Vaes Dothrak (and not passing Go and collecting three dragons) she went and saw more of the world.

I have no idea why this is allegedly how it works, it just seems like patriarchal bullshit.

Plot 5: The Meereenese (Lack of) Plot

The scenes in Meereen win the award for the most boring scenes of the entire episode.

In our first scene Varys brings the prostitute from last season in and convinces her to spill information about the Sons of the Harpy by giving her money and vaguely threatening her and her child. She is then basically given silver and told to gtfo.

The next scene only exists probably to give Tyrion something to do in the episode. So we get him drinking and trying to converse with Grey Worm and Missandei who both want nothing to do with him. Nathalie Emmanuel's (Missandei) facial expressions in this scene are incredible.

Varys then enters and is like "We know who is funding the Sons of the Harpy" and it turns out that it's the Masters of Astapor and Yunkai with some help from Volantis.

Which is all fine and dandy I guess? I mean clearly this is just setting up the war in Slaver's Bay that occurs during Daenerys's storyline in A Dance with Dragons only to replace Dany with Tyrion because Tyrion is literally perfect and makes no mistakes ever.

The show has honestly removed any sort of nuance and moral ambiguity from Tyrion and it's kinda disgusting.

It's really clear at this point that Benioff and Weiss are struggling to properly adapt Meereen. This is all their fault for basically rushing Tyrion there and removing him from his actual storyline. Essentially they killed of Barristan for Tyrion last season, wrote Daenerys out of her own story, and also gave Tyrion material from Quentyn Martell (the free the dragons plot) and is wondering why the Meereen storyline is tepid.

Nothing that happens in Meereen has any bearing anymore. Tyrion is so saintly in the show that he's clearly better at running a city than Daenerys or Barristan, better at training dragons than Daenerys, and even when attempting to free the dragons (which proves fatal for Quentyn) he's overwhelmingly successful.

Though it would have been wrong to have Tyrion get roasted like Quentyn did, I almost wish the showrunners did that because nothing Tyrion does in this show ever fails.

It's clear: Tyrion is such a Mary Sue.

The Meereenese Plot has contorted itself around Tyrion's existence to the extent where it ceases being an actual plot.

Plot 6: King's Landing

So we leave Varys talking about his little birds only to find that Qyburn is recruiting those little birds in King's Landing.

So it's confirmed that Ser Robert Strong is essentially an animated corpse of Gregor Clegane and it's just freely discussed by... everyone? This is a problem because Gregor Clegane's head was sent to Dorne in the books to pacify Dorne, but Dorne in the show is just such a mess already that I guess they don't actually care.

This show has a really big problem with Cersei and Jaime. It wants Cersei to be Cersei but refuses to grant her any sort of morally questionable and outright evil actions that Cersei takes in the books. The show constantly makes Cersei a victim and never ceases to keep her as moral as possible, but occasionally wants her to viciously act out. During this scene with Jaime and Qyburn, it seems very out of character for Cersei to be saying what she's saying, especially when Jaime seems more docile (despite his willingness to basically murder the High Sparrow last episode). This scene, however, seems much more in character for a book version of Cersei.

I watched this episode with a friend who hasn't read the books, and while I was furiously taking notes, he actively called into question the characterization in this moment. We haven't seen Cersei do something brutal in seasons, she's been cast as a victim of a patriarchal system that constantly invalidates her. Her personality in this scene doesn't make sense with the Cersei we've followed for seasons.

Then we're treated to a scene of the Small Council where everyone victimizes Cersei again. Olenna Tyrell is here because she's sassy and fun (and that's the only purpose she serves on the show) as are Mace, Pycelle and Kevan Lannister, Cersei's Uncle.

My friend, David, had some killer commentary on the scene: It feels like a Middle School Cafeteria It's like that "You can't sit with us" scene from Mean Girls.

And that's exactly what it is. Olenna and Kevan basically declare that Jaime and Cersei can't sit with them and then just walk out taking a jittery Mace and a frightened Pycelle with them.

And again the viewers feel bad for Cersei as she's again the victim.

Also it's clear that the Small Council is accomplishing nothing. Cersei asks what's to be done with Dorne, and they decide to just leave instead. I mean Benioff and Weiss clearly have no idea how to fix Dorne, so I guess the answer is just a massive shrug.

Then we get a scene where Tommen goes and asks the High Sparrow if Cersei can see Myrcella and if he can see his wife. The answer is no on both accounts. Apparently Cersei still needs more atonement (which, I thought, was the entire purpose of the slutshame-y naked walk but what do I know?).

Tommen is horrified at the notion that Cersei needs to be further victimized and the High Sparrow calms him down with some sort of religious teaching. Too be honest, I tuned most of it out. The show is playing up both angles of the High Sparrow: Evil Populist Leader trying to Overthrow an Empire (through homophobia and slutshaming) and also kind old Grandpa.

I guess it's a good time to mention that we haven't seen Loras since he was taken away last season for being gay. Also Margaery is being held due to some complex perjury trap that is so complex, there's no real way it holds water. Also I'm pretty sure Margaery has confessed to the perjury so I don't know what else they're insisting that she's guilty of.

No character has actual clear motivations anymore, they all just appear to be following a checklist of plot points.

It's interesting though, if I recall correctly Cersei mentions that Gregor will only potentially have to fight one member of the Faith. This sets up the trail by combat that many believe will end up being Cleganebowl, but more on that later.

Plot 7: Nobody (jk it's Arya Stark)

Kudos to Maisie Williams, she acts her face off during the training montage. It's clear that Maisie Williams is very talented, I just wish that she had better material in the past two episodes.

Just to recap: the past two episodes have featured a blind Arya Stark being beaten up by the Waif with a stick. That's all that's happened.

It's clear that whatever punishment she entailed is now over because she's actually being trained now. We see her get better at lying, at seeing without her eyes, and at fighting with the stick.

At the end of the montage Jaqen has her drink the water from the pool in the middle and she gains her sight back.

Despite Maisie being incredible during these scenes, there are some problems.

I wish that they had fully committed to the Blind Beth story, it's a really cool story though it is problematic to adapt to a visual medium. For starters, Arya learns to see through the eyes of cats (remember, Arya is a warg). Secondly, Blind Beth had friends and people who helped protect her while blind Arya had nothing.

Also during the training montage the Waif expresses obvious displeasure once Arya starts succeeding. Again this feeds into the fact that most female characters in this show do not have positive female relationships. In the books female characters have positive relationships with each other, while women in the show are primarily catty to each other. Even the Sand Snakes (who are sisters) are hostile to each other. The lack of Female-Female friendship may get turned around during the Sansa and Brienne plot, but we haven't seen enough yet to know.

Also interesting is the focus on Arya's friendship with the Hound. Despite the fact that the Hound was central to Sansa's King's Landing arc back in Season 2, Sansa isn't told that Arya was last seen with the Hound. Brienne refers to him as "a man" as if she didn't know who he was. During the encounter at the end of Season 4, Pod tells Brienne that Sandor is the Hound. In this instance, the show denies Sansa a potential reaction only to focus on Arya's friendship because the Hound can only be important to one person at a time.

The interesting mention of the Hound here when Arya asserts that she left him to die, suggests maybe some seeding that potentially the Hound isn't dead. We did not see him die on screen, and death isn't permanent anymore. With rumors that Thoros of Myr is returning, it's possible that the Hound comes back to life as well.

In the books, the Hound is widely regarded as being the Gravedigger on the Quiet Isle. The Brother on the isle asserts that "The Hound is dead" but many believe that when the Faith call a champion to fight Ser Robert Strong, the call will be answered by Sandor. This theory is commonly called "Cleganebowl."

The biggest complaint about the Arya plot is similar to my big complaint about the Jon plot: it was resolved too quickly. There's no emotional journey that happens here at all. The blindness was slapped on at the end of last season as like a Finale shock, and then failed to have a big impact on the actual story.

Nothing shocking lasts anymore. They're speeding these plots along without any regard to the art of storytelling. There was no reason to blind Arya only to show two scenes of her getting beaten up and one scene of training to remove the blindness. I'm pretty sure most of her lines were just simply, "A girl has no name." It's lazy writing and just serves some sort of checklist plot.

Plot 8: Ramsay

If the show cares excessively about a non-Tyrion character, it's Ramsay. For starters, they transplanted Sansa into a plot where she was actively abused just so they could include more of Ramsay.

Then he was actively given characterization at the expense of other characters (Sansa) just so they could reaffirm that he's a monster. Which we already knew. We saw him torture Theon way back when, we know Ramsay is a bad guy. But anyways...

It appears that everyone in the North is really okay with kinslaying (despite it being a crime against the gods). We're introduced to Ramsay's new band of evil friends who are young Karstark and young Umber both who are super chill with the fact that Ramsay murdered his dad, his step mother, and his infant half-brother, just last episode.

While Lord Umber won't bend the knee, he will give Ramsay a gift.

Even the notion that Ramsay was getting a gift (which was teased in the episode description) made me shudder. Ramsay does not play nice with his toys.

What happened was worse than what I imagined.

Lord Umber presented Ramsay with Osha and Rickon.

Rickon is, of course, the youngest of the Stark children.

In no scenario does this end well. I would like to point out that the Showrunners (who wrote this episode) concocted another scenario where Ramsay Bolton is sure to brutalize another woman and another child.

What narrative purpose does this serve? We know that Ramsay is a monster, and we don't need to be constantly reminded of that fact.

I guess since Davos was written to be a supporting actor to Jon Snow's death-defying act, that his quest to find Rickon isn't happening. Shame. I kinda wanted to see Skagos, the land of cannibals and unicorns.

In the books, Stannis sends Davos to treat with Lord Manderly of White Harbor to try and drum up support. Lord Manderly puts on a great show of being loyal to the Boltons, before privately confessing otherwise. He tells Davos that the price of House Manderly's loyalty is the return of his liege lord, Rickon Stark.

I guess now that Stannis is dead (in a narrative choice that has yet to make a real impact on the story) and Davos is in bro-love with Jon, this plot was dropped.

Still, you gotta wonder why the showrunners decided to write in another opportunity for a woman and child to be brutalized for shock value especially since their track record for handling sensitive material is horrendous.

I pray to both the Old Gods and the New that Rickon and Osha are spared, but I highly doubt it.

Honestly, this is probably their way of tying up loose ends.

Dorne is boring? Kill everyone.
Need a way to get Tyrion to Dany faster? Kill Barristan, now Dany needs a mentor.
Need a way to get Stannis out of the way? Have Stannis suffer ridiculous misfortune. First it's lightly snowing so he has to burn his daughter for reasons (shock value). Then his army deserts him and his wife kills herself. Then when he's losing to Ramsay have Brienne of Tarth come out of nowhere and kill him. It's justified because he killed Renly and Shireen.
Rickon exists still? Have Ramsay get a hold of them. That'll end well.

In Conclusion...

This episode, like the entire season so far, is marred by lazy storytelling. Problems are introduced only to be solved immediately and so far every episode has just had things happen for pure shock value.

However, this episode is marginally better than previous episodes just for the sheer volume of nothingness that actually happens.

Besides the surprise of Rickon and Osha nothing awful happens this episode purely because nothing happens except the lazy resolution of problems from previous episodes.

I haven't seen the trailer for next week yet, but I assume at some point we get the R+L=J reveal that I'm sure will be cheapened by this show's inability to tell cohesive and well-paced stories.