It’s counterintuitive, how deeply we feel emotions and then feel alone because of them. We believe we are singular in feeling these sentiments and our problems, even though millions of other humans are probably feeling the exact same emotion. At varying depths, maybe, but nevertheless still feeling it.

I realized the intensity of this problem in my writing class when we were instructed to write a lengthy paper on stress. After reading my classmate’s papers, I was shocked to learn that they were experiencing similar pain, loneliness, unacceptance, and sadness as a result of their stress. I also noticed that comparing ourselves to others is the source of most of our stress that causes all these unsettling emotions.

We often compare our low points to others best ones, which are supposed to be a fake appearance and, therefore, are an inaccurate representation of how they are actually doing. Not everyone’s transparent enough to display what they’re actually feeling, so we never observe that it’s just a mask, and in turn, feel even more alone. When that person could be feeling the same as us or even worse.

In fact, a lot of people will surround themselves with convenient friends to keep up appearances because it’s either a defense mechanism so people don’t see their true feelings or they figure it’s still better than being alone. But it’s interesting that from reading my peer’s papers, a lot of people made the distinction between convenient friends and actual friends because when they were with convenient friends, they felt even more alone.

It’s natural to think that a rational way to counter loneliness would be being with anybody, even if you don’t necessarily enjoy their company, because by definition you are no longer alone. However, often times that does the exact opposite because what we actually crave is an intimate vulnerability and a connection.

One thing that is comforting is that emotions are rarely specifically situational, so you know many other people have felt or feel it. One girl, despite coming from a foreign country and not speaking English well, was still able to communicate the loneliness she felt in the broken and fragmented English that she did know. She couldn’t understand a majority of what we said, but I felt connected to her in that we were united in our feelings. After reading her paper, I felt so stupid thinking that I was alone in my loneliness and felt a spark of hope that ignited a flame within me.

But as soon as class ended and we all went our separate ways, it became hard to breathe again, surrounded by the silence and the flame that flickered, then went out. I felt extremely disappointed and disheartened that even knowing our classmates felt the same still wasn’t enough to cross the spacial abyss between us to reach one another. However, as I thought about it further, what were we supposed to do after class? All go out to dinner, link hands, sing kumbaya, and magically become friends just because we all felt lonely?

Loneliness is tricky to solve because although knowing others feel it too is reassuring, it is not enough to make us stop feeling it. Two people should not be together just because they are both lonely or afraid to be alone.

Rather, it can be ended by initiating conversations and sharing how we feel. It’s extremely hard to be vulnerable and tell someone you are feeling lonely since society has such a negative image of it. It's a taboo topic. I personally can attest to this. as no matter how much I feel like I’m disappearing and feel truly alone, I still find it difficult to say even the word “lonely” to someone else without feeling defensive.

There needs to be a platform or space created for this growing problem because chronic loneliness is dangerous if you don’t know how to cope with it, especially in our modern society consumed by social media that compartmentalizes us. We need to find more ways to be connected and bridge those pathways, so we minimize the jump or riskiness of being vulnerable that so many people are afraid of and limit them from talking to others.