Every day in society women are shamed for what they wear, talk and their actions. They are constantly being blamed for rapes and sexual assaults. But, why is this a woman’s fault? Women should be allowed to wear whatever they please without a man thinking she wants them. Some girls just want to look beautiful and do it through makeup and clothes, they do not do this for a man’s attention. If she wants to talk to a man then she will approach that man, yet that still does not mean that men can do whatever they would like with women.
From the time girls start school and start growing into young women, we are told we are not allowed to wear certain types of clothing to school because it will be perceived as a distraction to the boys. But, this is not completely true, it may be a distraction, but looking at young boy sag when it comes to their pants is a distraction for girls. Yet it is not constantly addressed in school. Cell phones are more of a distraction in today’s society than what a young woman wears. Also, this perception of boys will be boys needs to stop, because they think they can get away with anything.
Even in court when sexual assault and rape is being dealt with they ask the young lady what type of clothes she was wearing. If she were to respond I was wearing a short skirt and a tube top, that would be viewed as slutty because she was showing too much skin. But, why should the type of clothes she was wearing matter? For instance, I will give you a quick scenario. A young girl was a party with her friends, dancing, drinking and having fun when a young man approaches her, and asks her if she would like to dance. She tells the young man she would like to dance with him, she also has several more drinks, then the young man asks her if she would like to go upstairs, and she says yes, and they proceed upstairs to an empty bedroom. They start kissing and he starts to unfortunately grope her and then she says no stop, that means the young man needs to stop, but he doesn’t and continues. He eventually ends up raping the young woman after she says no repeatedly.
The young lady presses charges and when she goes to court she is asked what she was wearing, how much did she have to drink, did she say no, why did she go upstairs into the room, did you want to have sex, and why didn’t you try to leave? Let us address a few things. The clothes any women is wearing should not matter, they have the freedom to wear what they would like when they would like. Her outfit does not mean she was asking for it(sex), or that she should have expected a guy to want to have sex with her. Second thing, yes that she may have drank a lot but she was aware enough to tell him no multiple times, which means that he should have immediately stopped even if she was intoxicated. Even if she was intoxicated so much that she could not respond then he needed to immediately stop, because no response is the same thing as no, because she did not have consent to have sex. Some women try to leave and others are too afraid to, and when some women try to leave they end up physically assaulted. Many women when being assaulted are afraid and frozen into place. Some women try to escape, some stay frozen into place, some just blank because it is better than thinking about what is happening.
Many young men get away with light sentences like two-year probation, community service, or even less than a year in jail. And, the women are told well boys will be boys, and maybe you shouldn’t have done this or that. But, that shouldn’t matter, because he was guilty of what he had done and he should be punished, he shouldn’t get a tap on the shoulder. People need to take accountability for their actions and learn that just because they were drunk or thought that she wanted it even though she said no, means that they should have stopped, no means no, not yes. Even if she had said yes and then changed her mind and said no, she is then denying her consent to have sex. It does not matter what she said before because if she is now saying no, then that means no and that person needs to stop. People need to grow up and learn that their actions will have serious consequences.
I cannot stress how important it is that we start telling our young women that it is okay to dress a certain way, it does not mean that a man has the right to put his hands on you in any circumstance. We need to start telling our young men that they need to respect women, and know that when they say no, that they need to stop doing what they are doing immediately. We need to teach our children that if they see something that is suspicious then they need to speak up, they need to go ask their friend/s if they are okay, people need to stop being bystanders and being protectors. Everyone needs to take accountability for their actions and we need to stop sexualizing women because this is getting us nowhere in society and it is only leading us down a path where our young men think that they will not be held accountable for their actions.
