It’s been said that it takes seven years for the body to regenerate all its cells. Technically, this means that I have grown into a body that you have never touched.

Tell me. Why doesn’t it feel that way?

Why, nearly eight years after you sexually assaulted me, can I still feel your rough hands forcing my fragile hips onto you?

Eight years after you sexually assaulted me, I still have nightmares about that night. I still remember the burning sensation of vodka being forced down my throat before you grabbed my wrist and led me away from the safety of the group.

I may not remember everything from that night, but I remember saying no.

I remember not wanting to leave with you, but you convinced me.

I remember not wanting to kiss you, but you convinced me.

I remember not wanting to touch you, but you convinced me.

“Don’t be a tease,” you said.

I wasn’t a tease. I was twelve.

I was twelve. You were sixteen.

You were, and still are, a criminal and a monster.

I have spent years repairing the damage you caused.

I have also spent years harming myself, trying to escape the skin you touched.

To say that I am angry would be an understatement. There are no words to describe the injustice that is the fact that you are walking this earth, unscathed and unaffected by your actions. You don’t think about what happened eight years ago because you don’t have to. You scared me into a silence that I never thought I would break, until now.

I am done with silence. In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness month, and in honor of other sexual assault victims unjustly silenced, I am telling my story. To my fellow survivors, you are not alone. I am no longer staying silent about my assault. I hope that by sharing my story, others will see that it is never too late to speak up.

If you or someone you know has ever been sexually assaulted, here is a list of resources to turn to:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) / chat online with hotline advocate / www.thehotline.org

National Sexual Assault Hotline

1-800-656-HOPE (4673) / chat at online.rainn.org / www.rainn.org