So you’ve probably already heard, but his highness, Donald J. Trump, is going to be our leader in a few short days. So, with that in our minds, I have created a list of hobbies that you can take upon during these next long four years of literal hell.
1. Knitting
Who doesn’t love to knit? It’s relaxing, cheap, and now you have a gift for mom on Mother’s Day. Perhaps first learn to knit scarves, and then gradually progress into making an entire knit mural of the American people’s hopes and dreams being crushed!
2. Beekeeping
What is better than keeping bees, producing butt loads of honey all while wearing a gigantic net over your head? NOTHING. Beekeeping is the shit, and it will definitely be your new hobby while Donald Trump literally and metaphorically pisses on the American population. Side-note: the possibility of being stung multiple times is inevitable, but it will probably be nothing like the sting of debt you will feel from the entire GOP.
3. See how long you can grow your leg hair
During the next four years, ladies, I challenge you to break these goddamn gender stereotypes and stop the shaving! And it’ll probably gross out Mr. Trump because of how nasty we all are (and I mean, better get used to not shaving anyways since there will be no shaving once the world ends).
4. Become a human mannequin
Okay weird, but still valid. At least as a plastic doll you won’t be aware of the disarray surrounding you. Plus, you’ll get to wear hella cute clothes for four years if you transition your mannequin services to a fun department store.
5. Set up a meth lab!
We’ve all seen Breaking Bad. SPOILER ALERT: all you really need is an old van and some fancy scientific ~cylinders~, and voila: you have meth. It’s great profit, and the risk is totally worth it. I mean, what will you have to live for once we have a human Cheeto in office?
6. Become an expert in hosting tea parties
But instead of tea, serve the tears of the people of the United States. They will be plentiful, I promise.
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7. Write, direct, and star in your own TV show
I feel like cringe-comedy would be the best for this, (à la The Office). Start by filming your daily tasks, daily routines, etc. Then obviously it will gradually transform into something darker, but still with a lighthearted tone! Send it to the CW and you’ve got yourself some solid teen girl viewership. You’ll realistically fit in a total of 6 seasons (if you do bi-yearly seasons). Try to end it in a dramatic way that’s still comedic (before we all get blown up by some other country).
