At first, I blamed myself. I thought that I did something wrong when I told you exactly what I thought and when I thought it. I can't change who I am and I've joked with you that what you see is what you get. You always seemed to admire that about me and believed that my honesty and transparency makes the whole world go around. So when that final blow came to be, I really thought it's because I sank the ship on that one. I'm not a girl that is easy to get to know but you tried and said you loved me.
I'm sorry we did not work out in the end. Life and circumstances just brought us to a place that we couldn't make it work. You made a decision based on the facts and I was left on my own. In the beginning, I was angry and left vulnerable because how I could I have read this so wrong. How could I believe that I was not someone who was worthy of having a healthy relationship? Am I so awful that no one wanted to be with me? I have so many questions that will be left unanswered but it's okay because I know your heart and it was hard for you.
I meant it when I said that if things don't work then cut me loose. It wasn't me giving up but choices outside our control made it to be like this and we had to walk away from this. It may be still raw for me and for you but I'll be ok. I can move on and move forward from this and I believe that you can too. You tried and it wasn't enough.
I'll go through bouts of sadness that we can't be together and anger that we couldn't try but know this: I'm stronger for this. I may not feel it in the current moment but I am a strong woman and I can go to bed at night knowing that I don't regret a single thing that I did in this relationship. I really hope that you don't either. You asked at the end if we can be friends and I don't believe we can. Know that it is not that I am angry at you anymore but because I need to pull myself together again. I can't afford to get hurt by you after letting you in and loving you as deeply as I did.
Thank you for setting me free. I was told in all of this that a person that truly loves you will fight for you but I also have been told that a person that truly loves you will let you go. Thank you for not dragging me down in this even on a hope and prayer that you could make things work. Thank you for recognizing the futility in this even when I couldn't.
Thank you for showing me that there are other boys out there that are good, kind, and solid. I may not recognize it at this very second, but you taught me to have goals and be deserving of the love that you had to offer. Thank you for accepting all of my scars, all of my flaws, and all of my goodness. I'm just so damn sorry it didn't work.
If you are reading this, I hope you know that I mean it when I said I wouldn't blame you for this. Forgive me that I can't give you what you want and that I'll cherish all the love you showered in our time together.