A Serious Letter To Those That Struggle With Extended Family
Start writing a post

A Serious And Encouraging Letter Of Advise To Those Who Struggle With Extended Family

Family is hard to understand and dealing with extended family can be even harder when you don't have a good relationship with them.

A Serious And Encouraging Letter Of Advise To Those Who Struggle With Extended Family
Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Dear Readers,

You are most likely and almost certainly reading this because you are or have had hard times with your family, cousins, uncles, aunts, or grandparents or you are just interested in how f*cked up my family situation is to the point where I feel the need to write this article. Nevertheless, you are here and might encounter any of these feelings and situations in the future so please read on.

For me, I have always had problems with everyone who shares my blood except my immediate family. I have always held deep compassion for my family so being estranged from my extended family makes me so sad, mostly because the problems are because of the silent actions and history between us all. I live to enjoy life and to be surrounded by the ones I love but that is such a small circle because my extended family is so distant from us.

"Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening." - Emma Thompson

Most people who don't listen are the Grandparents or the older members of the bloodline. The older generation is harder to talk to because of their old mindset and their beliefs that they refuse to budge on. This is an aspect that most will have to deal with but in recent years, more people have become accepting of less conservative aspects. My grandparents are the opposite to this trend because one of them called my sister's unborn child an "it" rather than a "she" because she is having a child out of wedlock. Times have changed and although she is having a child out of wedlock doesn't mean they don't love each other, they are young and are taking it slow to be careful and cautious, not rebellious. The fact that someone who is connected through family said this really hurt, especially to my sister who loved them dearly.

Communication is the key to any successful relationship so why are my extended family always silent in person yet loud and clear behind our backs? This baffled me for the longest time until I came to realize that my family was scrutinized and treated us like outcasts because we were not my step-grandfathers blood. We were treated to half-*ssed love and constant discipline while making an effort to make a connection while they tore at what I struggled to build up.

My advice? Confront them and try to work through it with them and if it falls through then it wasn't meant to be fixed at that point in time. Because of their short-sightedness, my sister might not even want my grandparents to see the child when it's born because (I personally fear) they will treat her like they treated my sisters and me: terribly on an emotional level and like an outcast.

"I can't say it's not painful being estranged from most of my family. I wish it could be otherwise." - LaToya Jackson

I thought I had a wonderful relationship with my step-grandpa (Papa) and treated him like he was my real grandpa because I love him but apparently he sees it differently. I thought I had a great relationship with my grandmother but she takes her husbands side and thus treated my family and me as outcasts while scrutinizing my Father and Mother. There is an invisible force of tension when we all get together because I look nothing like my step-grandfathers children and their children.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by being so distant from those that I call my extended family. I haven't talked to my grandparents in 6 months, my cousins in years, my uncles/aunts in about a decade, and everyone else is a distant memory. I find it so depressing that although I want so desperately to make peace with my extended family in order to enjoy life and talk to them like a normal family would, that they may not want to take that step to understand how I feel or how my family has felt since they joined the family.

My advice? I have put up with it and looked past it for years but it wasn't until recently that I said "to h*ll with this" and have decided to confront every single person in my extended family. I don't want to one day find out someone I loved died but I hadn't talked to them in so long because of a problem that we couldn't resolve.

"Everybody's family has problems." - Greg Kinnear

The fact that my family and extended family may read this scares me but I recently realized that no matter what, a family does things for a reason. Yeah, sometimes those reasons are really shitty and stupid but they had a reason for it and I only wish to make peace and take the initiative to talk to my extended family to either make peace or to cut them out of my life. I don't want to do that but it is entirely possible if they are toxic to me or my family. My family comes first but I am open-minded and will listen.

My advice?


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Olivia White

"The American flag does not fly because the wind moves it. It flies from the last breath of each solider who died protecting it."

Keep Reading... Show less

Separation Anxiety in Pets

Separation anxiety in pets is a real thing and recognizing the warning signs is important.


Since March, Covid-19 required most of the world to quarantine in their homes. Majority of people ended up working from home for nearly five months. This meant pet owners were constantly with their pets giving them attention, playing with them, letting them out etc. Therefore, when the world slowly started to open up again and pet owners began returning to normal life work schedules away from the home, pet owners noticed a difference in the way their pet acted. Many pets develop separation anxiety especially during this crazy time when majority people were stuck inside barely leaving the house.

Keep Reading... Show less
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.


The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments