Hello depression,
I'd like to say it's been awhile, but it hasn't. I struggled to get out of bed again. You kept pulling me back under the covers trying to wrap me in your cold embrace. You kept telling me it wasn't worth it, that today was going to suck anyway so it didn't matter if I went to class or not, that it didn't matter if I went to dinner with my friends or not. You're like the long-term boyfriend I didn't want, the one I keep going back to who I know I shouldn't be. I hate you. I really do.
Seriously Depression??,
I didn't realize you were a package deal with your friend Anxiety. I've become a shitty hotel for you both to stay in for as long as you damn well please. Anxiety creeps up on me at random times and scares the living daylights out of me for no reason. She sends me into panic attacks just because she can. Can you just tell her to leave?
Hi Again Depression,
I finally figured out how to get Anxiety to leave, meet my friend Prozac. He's pretty great, calms me down and doesn't let Anxiety scare the shit out of me. He doesn't always work, everyone needs a break sometimes, but Anxiety definitely isn't a permanent resident in this hotel anymore. Your lease isn't up yet, but don't get too comfortable.
Hey uh, Depression,
Honestly, I'm scared of what life is like without you. You've been a resident in this hotel for nearly half my life, and as I write this I'm almost 19. How can I guarantee to my friends I'll be the same me I've always been if you leave? I can't, and that's what scares me. I pretend you don't exist, I smile through the day and laugh a lot. A lot of times is genuine, but then I feel your cold grip on my shoulder and fold in on myself.
Depression,
Get out. I'm done. I can't go one night hanging out with my friends without you tapping on my shoulder blackening my view of the night. I'd rather get out of bed to go my 8:30 classesevery day than not be able to get out of bed once a week because of you. I want to know what life can be like for me without you. I want to be able to laugh a lot without having that fear of your cold. So start packing your bags, I'm going to find out how to kick you out of this hotel for good.
No Longer Yours,
Samantha