What would satisfy me? I'll tell you exactly what.

I want a gorgeous foreign man, preferably Italian, to hand me a glass of wine as he sits next to me on our patio overlooking a foreign country. He whispers something to me in a different language, maybe that I'm beautiful or that he loves me. We eat bread and pasta and I magically gain no weight.

If only dreams could be real. Instead, I get grade A buttheads.

This isn't to offend any boys or any of my ten exes, but dating is wack! I pride myself in not being clingy, needy, crazy, annoying and all of the other things that boys complain about. Mind you the things they complain about are usually brought on as reactions to things they did. God, just thinking about boys irritates me. Ok, let's move on!

I haven't been single since I was starting my freshman year of high school, which was 5 years ago. I never really looked for boyfriends, but I have found them everywhere; school, as a summer camp counselor, on Facebook, tinder, through mutual friends, you name it I've met a guy like that. And oh have I met every guy you could imagine; the good guy, the one you don't bring home to dad, the boys who don't bring you home to mom, the island boy, even boys from out of the country (which are my favorite). I have somehow gotten all of them to confess that they love me and then usually I leave them after.

The good (aka the puppy dog phase).

This is the best part, he hasn't irritated me yet. He is still cute and once again hasn't done anything to irritate me, that's the most important part to me! He still texts me to say he's thinking about me and doesn't truly show his craziness. Life is good. I have only had two boyfriends continue this stage past a few months, and those boys I dated for over a year. This stage has taught me that all good things come to an end and it's ok because it leads to a deeper relationship.

The bad (after the first real fight).

This is where all of the sudden something random happens and a fight starts. Not a normal fight that leads to you guys talking it out within a day and are back in each other's arms by the night time. This fight is serious, one of you did something that really hurt the other one. This stage should be known as the make-up or break-up because you either get past the fight or you break up and move on to find another boy to fill the role of trophy boyfriend.

The real (he da one).

You've been dating for years, the fights don't matter anymore because they're just about putting the toilet seat down. You've already gotten comfortable with his family and your parents love him. I have never got to this stage and am just going off what my friends say.

I have dated ten guys, the relationships lasting from three days to almost 2 years. They all stay within those two stages. Is it because they bore me and irritate me, or is it really deeply rooted daddy issues. Only my therapist knows.

Through this much dating, I have also gotten the worst. It is not something I'm proud of but needs to be said, to show other girls it's ok to talk about this. He lured me in by telling me that I was beautiful and that he wanted to give me everything. He was bigger, hotter, and more tattooed than the ex before him so I jumped on the chance to be with him. Within six months, he destroyed my life. His ex-girlfriend made it her goal to ruin my senior year of high school, and he made it his point to entrap me in the relationship. He would hurt me to get what he wanted and almost everything after the second month was not consensual. He proposed to me and had me thinking I would never find someone who loved me like he did. I believed him. I finally escaped him and despite him leaving me with PTSD (which I had to get treated for) I was able to move on.

Some women aren't so lucky. I encourage you to reach out to get help if you think you or a loved one's relationship is abusive. Even if it is just unhealthy, you shouldn't let it happen to anyone.

Domestic violence hotline: 1 (800) 799−7233

If it is an emergency, call 911.