If you had talked to me a year ago, you would have still found Amna, but some things have certainly changed in my perspective and my view of myself. A year ago, I was in the midst of my senior year of high school, still surrounded by cliques and petty drama. A year ago, I certainly valued other people's opinions of me. A year ago, I surrounded myself with certain people that did not always bring out the best in me.

Looking back upon the choices I made and the people I surrounded myself with, I can say that I truthfully have no regrets. I believe that every one of those people were a part of my life for some reason or another, and that they all helped me become who I am today, especially the way they impacted my thought process and view of myself.

Here I am now. Almost a full semester into my freshman year of college, and I feel as though I have grown in ways that I could not have foreseen a year ago. Some of my new friends have told me that they love my personality because of how genuine I am, how I am unapologetically myself. Hearing the sincerity in their compliments only reaffirmed that I am doing something right, and that is just by simply being myself and allowing myself the manifest in all that I am capable of.

When I think about myself a year ago, I feel as though I was too apologetic; I was constantly trying to appease everyone else's feelings, and in turn, I forgot about my own. I realize now how important it is to be your biggest supporter, because at the end of the day, you have to rely on yourself. As somber and melancholy as this sentiment is, it is the unfortunate truth. The scariest part of all is that if you do not love and value yourself, your core will fall apart and you will be left to collect all of the scattered pieces.

Rupi Kaur, the poet who wrote "Milk & Honey" has some extremely meaningful poems that have resonated with me. One of my favorites goes as follows:

“you must
want to spend
the rest of your life
with yourself
first.”

In retrospect, it is so easy to search for a potential partner, or to innately believe that you will thrive in a relationship. However, the reality is, if you are not comfortable with yourself and do not understand the value of your worth, it is extremely hard to expect that from your partner in return.

It is essential to learn about yourself and seek your passions not only for the good of finding a partner, but for yourself as well. You ultimately want to be happy with the choices you make and how you portray yourself to the world, but you must first remember how eminent it is to love yourslelf in your entirety.

Now, I am learning to put my feelings first- not out of selfishness, but out of necessity to fuel my self worth and self esteem.