I'm actively trying to ignore the passage of time. It should be easier than it is, seeing as how time is made up anyway. Unfortunately, though, a majority of the world disagrees with me about time being arbitrary, and so it makes it a bit harder.

I don't want this to sound like I wish time would stop or anything. What I want is for deadlines to evaporate (actually, what I really want is to sleep for twelve years, but it hasn't happened for me yet). It's really easy to ignore things in the distant future. And in the near future, if you're good about it. I'm very good about it.

Ignoring things, of course, is the best possible way to screw yourself in ways you can't even imagine yet. By ignoring things, you're actually entering an agreement with your future self to spend weeks (months? years?) in a constant state of stress and agony trying to accomplish the stuff you ignored. It's like probably the weirdest things we do as humans: actively ensuring our own demise (full disclosure: you could make a solid argument for a lot weirder things humans do. I can't help but think of furries. But whatever.)

You'd think that after conquering senioritis once already in my lifetime, I would have known better than to let it get to me again. But also, knowing me, it never actually left, it just went into a kind of remission. Then again, high school senioritis is, like, a completely different thing. I can actually remember feeling joy when I was a senior in high school. As a senior in college, I feel like I haven't felt the sun on my skin in months and also closer to a mole-person than a human being.

High school seniors are basically set because there's actually a plan in place. You can afford to be slacking off and ignoring deadlines because, like, there's something next that's already in motion, probably. By March of my senior year, I was already enrolled in college. I think I even had my dorm picked out. It is now nearing the end of March of my senior year in college and I know absolutely nothing about anything. I think I genuinely went to college and managed to regress somehow.

Not everyone is like this, I know. I just don't wanna hear about it. Nothing about your own successes to plan and reach goals and achieve greatness will in any way impact my ability to do anything. Unless that thing is celebrating your accomplishments (I'm always down to reward other people's achievements. You worked hard! You deserve it! I refuse to even read my syllabus or look at a calendar, so).

Looking back, high school senior Olivia obviously had no idea what was coming, how little she knew when she thought she knew so much. Arguably, being a senior in high school was the last time I might have had control over my life. If anything, it was at least the last time I wore jeans more often than leggings.

College senior Olivia also doesn't really know what's coming either. And it's weird and stressful and hard to talk about and also kind of exciting. There are a lot more possibilities and absolutely no guidance. It's gonna be a disaster and it's gonna be amazing.

Of course, I still have to pass my classes first. Dammit.