Not many things in life are better than being a senior in college. You’re on top of the totem pole socially, you finally know campus like the back of your hand, and you have a pretty good idea of which friends are there to stay. The new freshmen on campus are practically infants and rarely deserving of your time (unless they’re going Greek, in which case, you pretend to be their best friend).
I’ve got some bad news for you though… it has recently been proven that being a senior and being a freshman are basically the same thing. Don’t believe me? Here are the ten irrefutable reasons why:
1. You have no idea what you’re going to do with your life. Remember when you entered college as an English major and then the first week of classes realized you didn’t have the mental capacity to write a single paper? Now you’re a nursing major and you know that nursing is what you were made for… except for the fact that you have no idea where you’re going to work or live or what you’re actually going to do and you’re probably having an existential crisis and now you’re thinking that you should’ve stuck with the English major after all. Let’s be honest, you know you wouldn’t hire yourself for a job, so why would you expect anyone else to do so? Basically, seniors have nothing together.
2. Dining dollars are pure gold. As a freshman, eating on campus was so great because FREE FOOD (that has been pre-paid for by your parents) is constantly available!!! As a senior, you hate that food...but you’re basically a peasant, so stealing an underclassman’s dining dollars is the best bet you have in the eating department.
3. You’re freaking out about living on your own. Leaving home and moving into a dorm for the first time was really hard because everything was so scary and new. The years since then, though, have been the best of your life (even though paying bills sucks) because you’ve gotten to live in constant contact with all of your best friends. Now, you’re all scattering to different parts of the States, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get to keep one or two friends close by. How are you supposed to function as a real human being without getting breaks for classes, not having an excuse to write home to Mom and Dad for some extra money, or not having six closets to choose from on a daily basis? Honestly, we’re in deep water here.
4. You don’t know anyone on campus. Who are these people? Why do they look like twelve-year-olds? Why do they think it's socially acceptable to make out on the steps of the dorms? Most importantly, WHY ARE THEY TAKING UP ALL THE PARKING SPOTS? Walking through the student center used to be a social event and now that place is like 75% made up of people you’ve never seen before. Avoid it at all costs.
5. You’ve forgotten how to study. Freshman year, you had absolutely no idea what was about to hit you when you entered your first college class. Getting your first test grade back was basically like being stabbed in the heart. Now, you are perfectly aware of what it takes to get a good grade, and you just don’t really care anymore. It requires so much effort to actually pack up your books and head to the library. #tbt to sophomore and junior year when you were actually a good student.
6. Naps are vital to your existence. Your freshman year had a basic pattern: class, sleep, eat, sleep, stay up until 4 am, sleep, repeat. Then came your productive years (reference #5). Now, naps are just so necessary again. How can you seriously expect me to get anything done if I don’t have at least 4 cups of coffee? Caffeine crash and mild coma? No biggie.
7. You’re taking general education classes. Ahhh, the bliss that has come from putting these classes off for six semesters. Freshman year, you quickly realized that gen eds were dreamed up from the black heart of Satan, so you avoided them at all costs. That’s a great plan until you end up as a 21-year-old giving a speech to a class of 18-year-olds or, god forbid, sweating next to them in a PE class. If I had wanted to spend time working on being fit, I would have made it to the gym years ago. Please stop forcing me to pretend to take my health seriously.
8. You do lots of stupid college things. Okay, you know you’re supposed to be over vandalizing the school mascot, visiting the touristy parts of your city, and staying up all night watching the newest season of New Girl on Netflix, but IT IS YOUR LAST YEAR OF COLLEGE AND YOU WILL MAKE THE MOST OF IT. Next year, you’re expected to grow up and go to work from 9 to 5 every day and basically get the life sucked out of you. So for now, you’re going to be completely irresponsible and pay the consequences because hey, you have plenty of time to grow up.
9. You’re on the prowl for a significant other. I don’t know why everyone tells high schoolers that you find the love of your life in college, but they do. You come into college and attack the first mildly attractive person you see and become an embarrassing leech until you get dumped. Then you grow up, move on, and learn how to casually make out with people because you are an independent, self-loving person. But when senior year rolls around, you break out in a cold sweat because your mother must have been right when she said the dating world was practically nonexistent outside of college. You truly believe this is your LAST CHANCE to find the person you are going to marry. The good news is that you’ve already screwed up your chances with every eligible single person at school!!!
10. You think you’re cool as hell. Why freshman think they're cool is be something none of us will ever understand, but you have to admit that you were under this mistaken belief when you first began college. As a senior, the worship-me-because-you-know-nothing attitude is back, but it is fully justified this time, you swear, because you have experienced four whole years of collegiate life and you know everything there is to know about being a real life human being. Unless "everything" includes having a real job or having a successful relationship or living on your own. But those things aren’t important, right?
Verdict's in - you're essentially just an older, wiser freshman. It’s like a giant time loop. Embrace it. Welcome to senior year, my friends!
