With summer coming to an end and my senior year quickly approaching, feelings of anxiety begin creeping into my mind. Two years ago my best friend, Brittney, moved to Wisconsin, leaving me to take on my junior year alone. Thankfully, I met my current boyfriend at the beginning of junior year and didn't have to suffer through it by myself. Now that he has graduated, I'm left alone once again; except now I'm taking on senior year, which is scariest of all.
Senior year is filled with all the nightmares that students fear most: Deciding what to do after high school, struggling in AP classes, fighting to improve your ACT score, finishing senior project and simply successfully dealing with the stress of life. Some of my friends cannot wait to be out of high school and dive into the “adult world" while the other half doesn’t want to grow up and deal with responsibility on their own. I sit alone, awkwardly in the middle stage.
It seems like yesterday I walked through the door of my elementary school classroom at Oak Grove. I couldn't wait to get older and become more independent ,and now I'm gripping onto the nostalgic feeling of my childhood. Part of me craves the sense of independence and adulthood while the other wants to hide away in the safety of my grandmother’s guidance forever. With senior year nipping at my heels, I'm scrambling to get my life together as quickly as I can manage.
I've decided after high school I want to move on to college and major in nursing. I decided this years ago and have always had this idea set in my mind. I never second guessed my decision until recently, when I began to fear that maybe I couldn't handle nursing. I thought of all the sorrow and heartbreak I would endure when caring for sick and dying patients. One part of me fears I can't handle the major I've selected and the other part fears I will never amount to anything at all. I'd like to imagine I have my whole life planned out, and that I'm not the slightest bit worried about it. But that's simply not true.
After choosing a major, I realized the stress was only half over. You guessed it, what college am I going to? And better yet, how am I going to pay for it? There are so many universities and junior colleges in my area that I've received emails and letters from requesting that I schedule a visit to their campus. I put off anything associated with adulthood or college until now, and I only acknowledge it now because it's 10 short months away.
It's incredibly terrifying to think that in 10 months, I will be done with high school. I've spent my whole life in this school and now I'm being pushed out into a world with much bigger, more expensive schools. The fear of graduating is currently the most stressful aspect of my life. I don't know what this school year has in store for me, but I'm praying it's not as terrifying as I'm setting it up to be.
