I used to be the kind of person who had to have everything figured out. I needed a plan to survive.
When I started college, I was in one of the top International Affairs programs in the country, set on launching myself into a career in politics. Nowadays? I'm finishing up a degree in Anthropology. Will I do anything with that field of study? Absolutely not. But I'm damn happy learning what I do.
Applying for jobs during your senior year is kind of like applying to college when you're a senior in high school. You're thrown into it, you have no clue what you're doing, and you pray to God that something sticks.
To be honest, I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I don't know which direction I want to take my career in. I have a lot of diverse and eclectic interests and passions, so there isn't necessarily a chorus of angels leading me down the right path.
During the Great Instagram Blackout of 2019, I discovered LinkedIn. And let me tell you, that shit is way more fun than scrolling through Instagram. I started throwing my name into the hat for a lot of different jobs. Do I want them? I'm not sure. But I'm finally okay with that.
I used to think that graduating with a job equaled having found success. But I'm quickly learning it doesn't. I've worked really hard throughout my college career. I work two jobs, I'm a full-time student, and I truly would not have had it any other way.
The point is this: I have absolutely no clue what the next chapter of my life is going to look like. And that used to terrify me. But I can only do so much when it comes to finding a job and turning that into a career. So much of it is out of my hands.
I've worked and worked and worked over the last three years. I've lost sleep, I've forgotten to eat, I've cried, and I've exclusively be sponsored by iced coffee. And now? I'm easing up a little bit.
These are the last few moments I have to enjoy this phase of my life. So why taint it by worrying about the future? What's meant to find me will. I have worked too hard for too long for the universe to not notice that.
It isn't easy to get into this mindset. It took me three years to become comfortable with the present. But the future is not something I have a hold over, so why should I let it have a hold over me.
College hasn't been the best years of my life; it's actually been far from it. But things are finally good. I'm comfortable in my skin, I am surrounded by supportive people, and I know I will find success.
I am putting my future in the hands of the universe, and that allows me to enjoy what's going on here and now. I might not graduate with a job. I might still live at home. But I'll still have a degree. I'm still be surrounded by supportive people. And I'll still be comfortable in my own skin.
This is finally my time. And the fear of the future won't take that from me.