I believe there comes a time when we all hit our breaking point, some see it coming and others get hit by it at most inconvenient time. I saw my breaking point coming, in fact I allowed to happen. As I helplessly let all the negativity eat me alive, my own self esteem was decreasing at a rapid rate. I ended 2018 in tears because I hated the way I looked, I hated nearly every part of myself. My biggest fault was not hating myself though, it was thinking that things could never change. In my head I truly believed that my life was stuck in this downward spiral and I was never going to get to a point where I loved who I was, or even liked who I was. "Too much" was the only way I knew how to describe myself. I was "too much" to handle, I cried "too much," I weighed "too much," and nearly everything I did was simply "too much." It took me up until my 19th year of life to realized that the only way I am going to change is if I make the conscious decision to love myself. This was going to be something I needed to work on every day, it would not come to me overnight, most likely not even within a month or two. I was going to put every single effort of my being into this journey. I started separating what others thought of me and what I thought of myself, these are two different concepts. Do not feed yourself other's opinions, they are not your own. Just because society perceives you to be one way, it does not mean that is who you are. Your identity is only defined by what you think of yourself, not what others think of you. That was my biggest mistake. I allowed everyone around me to tell me who I was. I allowed my peers to make me feel as though I was not good enough, as if I was lesser than them when I was anything but that. I was 100% convinced that because I weighed more than the average person my age, and I was slightly louder and more "obnoxious," that I would never find someone who genuinely wanted to spend time with me. The terms "annoying," "psycho," "crazy," "loud," and "insane" are just some of the words I allowed others to call me, and not only that, I believed them when they said that. Because of how hurtful the word "annoying" became, I now find that more offensive than someone looking me dead in the eye and calling me the ugliest person they have ever seen. I learned to take these words back as my own, they are not words that someone else can call me with the intention of offending me. I can annoy someone, but that does not mean I annoy everyone. Disassociating opinions can be the most difficult task to overcome, but it is so worth it. Once I was able to understand that my self image has more value than others opinions of myself, I was able to put self love as my first priority. I began going to the gym and overtime lost a total of 38 pounds, which is still mind boggling to me. I am able to be myself without apologizing for it. I can meet new people without worrying if they will react the way those in my past previously have. My life has flipped upside down in the best way possible. There are days when I cannot look in the mirror and say "I love myself," and that is normal, but it isn't an everyday thing and that is what I call an uphill battle. I am not perfect, I may never be perfect, but I am okay with that. I am content being myself, I feel safe in my own skin, I can laugh without fearing that it is obnoxious and I can wear a bikini without thinking I am obese. "Time heals all wounds," but what that quote fails to mention is that it is not time that does all the work, you make the effort, time just makes you realize how much work you have done. It is so important to take time to realize all the things you love about yourself. It is not cocky or over confident, it is merely just recognizing your worth and do not let anyone convince you otherwise. Over these past 10 months I have learned that I love having thick thighs even if it means I am not the skinniest, I love how I put others before myself, how I have made my relationship with God a priority. I love how I am kind to strangers and how I make others laugh. I have learned to love these things and everyday I am discovering something new that I love about myself. This journey has been one hell of a battle, but let me assure you, I am just getting started.