In Kindergarten, we are taught many rules. We are taught to share, we are taught to color within the lines, to remember the alphabet and to try to make friends. Our little minds are filled with guidelines that are designed to make us well rounded people. However, our brains are also filled with contradictions, as we're told to share our toys but not to talk to strangers, to try new things but also to be cautious, and possibly most confusingly, to be proud of ourselves, but also to not be selfish.
I think this advice varies based on the kind of child you were. If you were a shy kid who didn't speak up much, you were celebrated for your accomplishments to try to bring you out of your shell. If you were like me and were loud and confident since your first words, you were often shushed and told not to brag. Yet now as we head into adulthood these childhood lessons still resonate in our minds and boggle our images of ourselves. How can we walk into a job interview, an audition, a new work environment, while walking the line of being strong and proud of our abilities while not seeming arrogant?
This fine line is a matter of knowing the difference between what it means to be selfish, versus what it is to simply be self assured.
Selfish and self assured people behave in certain ways toward their friends.
A selfish person expects their friends to be there to listen to their problems, because they believe that their personal issues are many peoples' concern. A self assured person also expects their friends to listen to them, but recognize this comes with the guarantee that they will always return the favor. Self assured people also have an understanding of when their problems may be trite or insignificant in the eyes of their friends and can sort them out for themselves. But when they deserve help from the people they love, they will always be very up front about it.
Both selfish and self assured people often use social media for self promotion. However, the key difference is what they are promoting for.
A selfish person posts on social media pictures of themselves in the very best lighting, gifts they've received, and cool people they hang out with. However, you can bet that same selfish person is the one who makes everyone stop time to take that picture, and they post it in order to get likes from other people to feed their belief that their life is amazing. A self assured person doesn't pause the experience to take a picture so other people approve of it, but rather live every experience fully and take a picture to remember the experience for themselves. A self assured person doesn't refresh their Facebook to see the attention their post is getting because they don't really care. They post their memories and experience to create a scrapbook of a life that they are proud to be living: other people's approval and jealousy doesn't enhance their experiences in the slightest.
You can tell the difference the moment they walk in the room.
Self assured people walk into a room with a full and proud understanding of who they are. They doesn't mean they think they are a God among men or belong on a pedestal, but they do know exactly what their best qualities are and represent these positive traits in the most forward way they can. A selfish person sees themselves only for their accomplishments and strengths, while disregarding their faults and vices. While a self assured person may seem ultra confident in their abilities, they have the inherent understanding that they are not perfect, but that these parts they love about themselves are worth loving.
I am a self assured person. I know admitting this may make me seem condescending and that I treat myself as morally superior, but in truth I do not. I know what I deserve out of life, and I love myself for who I am. But because a self assured person is grounded in integrity, I also have an awareness for who I am not, and an understanding that there are more important problems and people then me in the grand scheme of things. As my childhood (and lifetime) idol Peter Pan once said: "Conceited? Not me. It's just that I am what I am, and I'm me".
