Throughout my life, I have struggled with what makes me special, what makes me feel validated, and most all what I could do to be important. I wanted this sense of self-validity in my academics, extracurriculars, and anything that I could be "better" in. But no matter what, I felt like I failed like myself and the people surrounding me. Being successful= my self worth and ultimately constantly worried about whether I could achieve this equal sign or be lesser than my soul craved for. I craved the recognition that I was good enough. I would seek this out by dieting, pulling all night study sessions, and doing/ say saying things to please the people I was seeking approval from. This did not satisfy my satiated need for a love beyond all this. Until I heard a small voice that began to grow bigger and bigger inside of of my life.
In the middle of a particular long workout at the gym, I heard a voice say "Amanda is this all you want? Do you want recognition from me or from them?". See, the recognition I had been seeking was not in HIM , it stemmed from the longing to feel perfect and pleasing to others eyes. These past few months and weeks I have seen such a change in the way I wake up in the morning. I wake up with these clear intentions of what difference could I make in another's life and what could I do to spread this love and joy that I feel within myself. This difference is amazing and I could choose nothing better than recognition from God instead of my personal view of recognition.