I weighed myself about two weeks ago, after Ramadan, to find out that I had gained weight over the course of the month. I am not going to disclose my previous or my current weight, but I will say that at the start of Ramadan I was “overweight” and I am now “obese.” Although I believe that being large is no reason to feel ashamed and that we should dare to be confident with our bodies, it is easier said than done. It has been almost three years since I was last obese; I have been overweight since then. To put things into perspective I did not gain thirty, twenty, or even ten pounds after Ramadan, I gained seven. Admittedly, I was always on the border between being overweight and obese. In fact, when I found out that I was obese I ran to my room to check how my body looked. Perhaps it was my mind, but I did not see much of a difference in my appearance; I looked the same. I tried on various sets and dresses, yet I never found a significant difference; I looked the same, but I felt different. When I found out about my weight I was shocked; I was ashamed and embarrassed. In my mind, I was no longer the slightly large, but still average woman; I was a very large woman, with a belly so large it blocked sight of my legs, and feet so fat I had to buy a larger pair of shoes. It wasn’t my actual weight so much as it was the images and stigma associated with being obese that struck me.

My belief in loving oneself despite ones own size is not strong enough to help me love myself. When being fat is the butt of every joke and the bane of everyone, it is hard to truly act on that belief. It is a difficult thing that some people truly can’t “get over”, and it is a symptom of our society’s over sexualized culture and adherence to the insane beauty standards.