Trigger warning: Some of the material ahead may be hurtful or triggering to readers. Proceed with caution.

First off let me start off by saying I self-harmed for 2 years and am finally clean today. I know what I'm talking about when it comes to self-harm and how this is more than an outlet for the hurt inside; this is an addiction. There's something about self-harming that seems unstoppable and right, and that's the most dangerous part about it.

There are many different ways to self-harm. Personally, I found comfort in cutting myself. I started in 8th grade after I was bullied by my own friends. I was also suffering from PTSD and felt completely alone. I tried what I thought was everything: writing, reading, running, talking...nothing worked.

One of my friends told me about how she self-harmed and how it made her "feel better". It was a way to feel something, anything that would show the pain inside. At first, it seemed harmless, a little cut here or there. It stung but in a good kind of way. It helped me: it was always there when I needed to let out my emotions.

But soon it wasn't a little cut anymore. It was ten cuts up and down each of my arms. I covered it with bracelets hoping no one would notice...but in a sense, I wished someone would have cared. It seemed like no one wanted to know what was wrong so I kept self-harming.

This one time I cut deep, I was bleeding so badly and I got scared. I realized maybe I needed to stop but I couldn't. It was addicting, I felt like a part of me was missing every time I didn't. And every time I broke down I couldn't help but grab those scissors just one more time.

Then one of my best friends who was self-harming told me she was going to cut so deep she would kill herself. I remember trying to convince her not to, that she had more of a reason. But nothing worked. I ended up telling our teacher and her parents got involved. She hated me, but she was alive.

That's when it struck me: Would this be me? In a few months or years would I be the one who was going to take it another step further? Did I want to die? Why wasn't I taking my own advice?

There were times when I felt suicidal but I opened up to my parents and told them I needed to see a therapist. I hated it at first, she didn't help at all. But after a few more sessions I started to see a little glimmer of hope. I could tell my therapist wanted me to get better, that someone wanted better for me. And soon enough I wanted better for myself.

It wasn't easy, I didn't just stop one day and then never do it again. There were many times I cracked because of that trigger. It could have been as simple as a name call, or a fight with a friend or parent, or even as something as serious as a breakup. It was difficult and I wanted to give up.

I would be lying if I said it became easier because it didn't. In fact, each time I cracked it seemed harder than the last to stop again. But what helped me change was myself. I was the one who stopped, I was the one who made a difference, I was the one who found ways to help me without a pair of scissors. Other people helped me in my journey but they weren't the ones who took action.

What I'm trying to say is: I get it, I know how addicting it is and everyone has their reasons for why they do it. I'm not here to judge. I know there is no easy way to stop and that it doesn't seem worth it. And just because I'm clean now doesn't mean I still don't get the itch to do it. It still hasn't gone away after almost 3 years.

But you can change. I know that actions speak louder than words but you can do it. All it takes is yourself and your courage to realize you have a problem. Once you do that, then you can take baby steps to find a way out. It may have taken me almost two years but I did it and I know that if I can do it so can you.

Start off small, find a reason that will push you to stop. Talk to someone, most likely a professional, who will understand what you're going through. Not many people understand the logic of self-harm and that can be damaging to you. Make sure they get it and they are willing to listen and help without judgment.

The truth is that if you never stop then one day you'll be gone. And I can promise you that you have more to live for than what it seems. It really does get better, I found happiness and at one point I thought I never would. It is possible.

I believe in you. And so does the little 8th-grade girl who found comfort in the slit in her wrists. You can change. You can do this. Believe in yourself. Change for yourself. It can start with you... or end with you. What will you let it be?

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND/OR TENDENCIES, REACH OUT IMMEDIATELY. NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. SUICIDE IS SERIOUS.

National Suicide Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 - available 24/7