Nope. Don’t do it. No guy will validate you dear, if you can’t validate yourself. You can’t sit there and call yourself fat and disgusting and expect someone to walk in and treat you any differently. Self-deprecation and boys don’t mix. Let’s make up a situation. A girl — you don’t know her — walks out of her room in a new dress. Her boyfriend is standing outside. Immediately he looks at the dress and says, "No. you look fat. You look disgusting. You look like a whale." I think it is pretty obvious that that isn’t the ideal relationship. I think it’s pretty obvious that that guy needs to go. THAT GUY IS YOU. So congratulations, you are your own emotionally abusive boyfriend.
How in God’s name do you expect to treat yourself like trash and expect someone to see you as something else. If you think you are gross, ugly, disgusting, then all you know is how to be treated as someone who's gross, ugly and disgusting. It doesn’t make any sense. Anyone can tell when you are self-conscious. And anyone can use that to their own advantage.
So figure out your own life first. Figure out what YOU like yourself in. Figure out the way YOU like to act without anyone else around, then find someone who compliments that and loves those things about you. The way to go is not wait for someone to complete you, it is to complete yourself first and then find someone who compliments that completeness.
There are no steps to achieve this, only to let yourself get to that point. Let yourself not look for anything. Let yourself be content with yourself. You don’t need an emotionally abusive boyfriend when you still haven’t broken up with that societal abusive boyfriend.
Plus (and that’s a big plus), there are so many other things you could be doing than hating yourself. Here’s an idea, do something about it. Go to the gym, buy a cute shirt, do something other than sitting there making up stories about how nobody thinks you’re attractive. And here’s a question. By whose standards are you "attractive" or "unattractive"? Some guy who has watched way too much porn and has absolutely no idea what real boobs look like? Ah, yes, his decision should be the one that dictates your opinion of yourself.
Spend time with your family, spend time with your friends, enjoy the fact that you don’t need to have a job to eat dinner. Enjoy the fact that you can turn on the faucet. There are so many things to live for, so many things to do. Life is more than looking good. Life is about loving with everything you have. Life is about moving past self-doubt and reaching a point where you do things for you and only you. And only then can you think about getting a boyfriend.
So break up with the emotionally abusive part of yourself, and go find your new boyfriend. Go find whoever you want to be.
But hey, I’m just an over-confident 18-year-old. What do I know?
