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I used to question people when they would say, "college is the best four years of your life". Really? As I sat in my dorm last year alone, tired, sick, and drowning in class work, I thought those people were crazy. But to my surprise, the last three months of my life have been some of the greatest. Yes, it took a semester of hell and a semester at home to get here, but I can honestly say I'm at a point where I am loving college life. I never would have thought I'd be here to say that, but here I am; never say never!
So… okay, I have a great life happening in Kalamazoo, but what changed for me? Why am I happy now and last year I wasn't? Here are a few things I've changed to make the most of the "bad" things and a few things that have come along with my current mentality:
Stop caring about what other people think of my "self care".
It seems pretty simple and cliche, but it really makes a big difference. Last year, I would feel bad about myself because I wasn't going out or being as social as other people. I killed myself worrying about what people thought of me because I wasn't doing what everyone else was doing. I kept to myself and tried to manage my anxiety in my own way because it wasn't manageable unless I was hunkered down, under my blankets, and streaming Netflix. This year, I do the same thing. My "me time" is being alone in my room; sometimes it's cuddled up and watching Netflix. Other times, its blasting music and having a dance party of one. YEAH, it's a little bit silly and maybe even weird, but I do it because it is what I need to be okay, not to please other people.
Creating ways to do my self care.
Self care is about each person as an individual. It took me a while to figure this out because I would try to listen to other people's self care routine and make it mine. It was frustrating because things other people were doing wasn't helping me, and I was left feeling helpless. What I've learned is that when I'm anxious, upset, or just feeling low, there's something in me that itches that I need to scratch. Whether it be an itch to let out some energy or one to find my breath and be calm, my body is telling me what I need. It's a trick to listen to what my body and mind are asking for, but it is possible to learn mindfulness and act on what I'm feeling with practice. Then, the most important part of my self care is having a space that is comfortable and calm to do anything I need to do; I've made this place my room (duh). I did this by having a bright and warm color scheme: whites, golds, and blues. I have warm lighting that sets a calming ambiance. I have many, many pillows and blankets on my bed making it always warm and welcoming. And finally, I made space for things like dancing, stretching, yoga, head stands, pacing, etc.. My best advice is to make it your own; listen to what your body and mind need and what makes you happy.
I have a support system.
I have people to call, FaceTime, hang out with, or text whenever I need to. People here in Kalamazoo, in Illinois, in other parts of Michigan, and even in California. Having more than a handful of people to count on makes day to day struggles more bearable. I know there's is always going to be someone I can turn to.
Sharing my struggles.
Going along with having a support system is being there for the people I count on too. Yes, they are there for when I need them, but in turn, I am there for them when they need someone. I cannot tell you how common is it to reach out to someone when I'm struggling, and they are able to relate to me because they are in a similar situation or deal with similar day to day struggles. It took me a long time to be open about my past struggles, my day to day struggles, and way of thinking, but I have learned to love sharing. Not only does it bring peace of mind that I'm not the only one who has these struggles, but it brings me and the people in my life closer together. It shines light on people as people, and not as the image they work so hard to maintain. We are so similar to one another in so many ways, yet we fail to see our similarities because we are so worried about what other people will think of us. Once we can overcome our fear of a negative image, we can share with, learn from, appreciate, and love one another.
Putting myself out there more to be social and build my relationships.
Relationships are not one sided. The biggest thing I've learned is that I need to ask people to do things for them to ask me in return. No one is going to always want to initiate hanging out, getting coffee, or going on study dates. That makes you feel clingy and annoying, and no one wants to feel that way. Ladies and gents, take your turns with inviting and being invited. It WILL be appreciated, noticed, and worth it. With that being said, if you are always the one who is asking to hang out with someone and they aren't extremely responsive, cut your losses. You deserve people in your life who want to be in it, not ones you're begging to be in it.
Cutting out negative energy from my life.
There are people in your life who are constantly nagging, complaining, or putting themselves or you down. We all know these people in our lives. I'm not saying people like this do not deserve love and compassion because they deserve it and need it most. I'm saying you don't need this energy pulling you down with it. The people we surround ourselves with, spend time with, and listen to the most rub off on us; we unconsciously become like them. This also goes for the media; what are we watching, listening to, and letting invade our mentalities? We are designed to be influenced by the world around us. It is easy to fall into the negativity because it can be found just about anywhere. As easy as it is to fall into it, it is just as easy to climb out of it. It's fairly obvious when something or someone influences us negatively; do you feel better or worse after their influence? If worse, make mental note of it. Recognize the negativity, and the next time you are drawn to it, cut it out.
Programming my "natural highs" into my daily routine.
Coffee. Yes. Basic. But it makes me happy even if I'm not already feeling low. I have time set into my schedule to get coffee every day. The best way I stay ahead of my anxiety and feeling low is by planning my days. I plan my day the night before every single night: when I'll wake up, what I'll wear, if I'm doing my hair or make up, when I'm getting coffee, and what I have for classes and studying. It's a little compulsive, but it works for me. Program yourself to have the most successful day you can. If that means planning your whole day or just slipping a chocolate bar into your bag for later, do it.
We all know ourselves better than anyone else does, and when it comes to being happy, knowing and respecting yourself is the number one way to be. I wasn't happy with my situation and life, so I listened to what my mind and body needed and made change. If something's not working, change it up, don't give it up. Create and live your best life for you, so you can say "Man, I love my life".
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