This past weekend, I had gone away on an all-girls trip where I was told some of the most important advice I have ever and will ever hear, said in the simplest manner with only three words. Select, Not Settle.
What might this mean, you say? This has to do with the topic that most all girls fear, obsess over, and even worry about. Yes, that's right: Boys.
Finding that special someone in your life takes time, and even involves going through many guys before you really find the one you are truly meant to be with. If you're lucky, it won’t take too long, but for others it’ll take longer than they have ever fantasized. Just because this process takes longer for some rather than others doesn’t mean they’ll forever be alone.This is because they select, rather than settle.
Selecting is about finding someone who is right for you. Right for the lifestyle you are already living. Right in the type of ways, where they like the same television shows you love and eat the same types of foods as you. Not changing the person who you have grown to be just to be with someone else.
Those who select are known to be the strongest, smartest, and most self-reliant women, who have their lives together and feet on the ground.
These happen to be amazing traits, although in this case, it can tend to scare away some guys because of how well grounded you are, and that you're fully dependable on yourself. Selecting comes from the heart and is what you really want, rather than what just works best for you.
Settling for the person who is supposed to be the love of your life, I feel, comes from fear, obligation, or accommodation.
The fear of possibly being alone for the rest of your life, choosing to be with someone just to have that comfort factor. Knowing that someone will be there for you at the end of the day even if they aren’t the person who you truly imagined yourself with.
Obligation in the way of feeling like you should be with someone just because of how much they really love you, even if your feelings towards them aren’t mutual. Don’t be with someone just to be loved. Be with someone who you love from the bottom of your heart in return.
Accommodating yourself to someone is a way to make life “easy.” Being with someone that works for you well and fits into your life. I hate to break it to you, but life isn’t easy, nor is it supposed to be. So what good is it to have someone in your life just to try and make it easier?
Thank you to the two friends who gave me this advice. It helped me realize that you need to keep living your life every day the way you want to live it. Don’t change yourself, the things you love to do, or the life you live just to be with someone.
Someday, days, weeks, months or years from now, you will find that person that you’ve selected to love with your whole heart, and who feels the same way about you rather than settling to love someone with only half a heart, knowing there could be someone better out there for you.
