One of my best friends Mackenzie once told me people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. Later that night I wondered who fit where. I had boyfriends in the past but I always knew where they stood. The goofy, loveable boyfriend my junior year was a quick season. The first “true love” I had for a year span was a reason, but there was always one boy who didn’t quite seem to fit.
My sophomore year of high school, I met a boy. The moment we started talking, I felt something I never did before. I knew this boy was going to be in my life forever. I have had crushes before but this was real. I loved speaking to him and wanted nothing but to speak to him twenty-four hours a day. Regardless of if we would date or not, I just needed his soul. It started out as a mutual crush. He would say sweet words to me and send me country lyrics to wake up to in the morning but it really did not go anywhere, not with our age and maturity. Time went on and so did the school years. Junior year came and went. The attraction was still there but our friendship grew stronger. Despite my relationships with other guys, my relationship with him was deeper and more meaningful than what I had with most people in my life. My darkest secrets, every feeling I ever had, he just knew. He knew me better than anyone knew me, even myself. We were more than just best friends, he was a part of me and nothing would change that. Senior year was our first test of time. I started seeing this amazing guy and it lasted a while. My boyfriend always was skeptical about me and his relationship but I always explained how we were just friends, which was true. Time passed and the flames of that relationship burnt out but within the dark, I found light from him once again. Knowing he was still there for me, after the relationships I was in that did not include him, made me realize he fit into Mackenzie’s quote. He was a lifetime.
The summer of my senior year was something else, to say the least. It was every summer themed love story you have ever seen. Within the mourning months of my last relationship, I had him to grab onto. With me going to Ohio in the fall for school, and him finishing his hockey career we knew we only had a limited amount of time to experience something magical. It all started on the 4th of July. We spent a great night together drinking, dancing, having a few laughs. Finally in the late night hours, sitting on a lawn chair with him, I knew in that moment, I no longer loved him, I was in love with him. Our summer fling was under wraps for a while since we both ran with the same crowd. I lived for quick kisses, or a light brush of his hand on my leg. Something about loving someone but not out loud made me passionate and made me appreciate our time spent even more. I will never forget the moment he told me he loved me out loud. When he was a sober ride for me after a day party, he said he loved me in the mist of kissing and giggling. It was sweet and simple, just like us. When August grew near, we knew our time was sparse and coming to an end. The day before I left for college, I spent the night with him. The whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about how much of a fool I would be to not keep our relationship going while away but I knew the past couple of months with him would be something I would remember and cherish for the rest of my life. Once again I thought about Mackenzie’s quote. Being with him for a season was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I arrived at college with pictures of him in tow. I hung them in my room to help me remember what an incredible man I had at home. Although him and I were nothing , in the relationship sense, there was no one else I wanted to be with. I fell so hard for him that I felt like nothing would ever break us apart, not even the nine hours or five hundred plus miles between us. That’s when things fell apart, with lots of distance means a lot of unanswered questions. We ended up falling apart when all I wanted was for us to desperately fall back together. Friends betraying friends with sexy secrets and growing apart to find new people was something I never wanted. Throughout us falling out of love, I learned a lot about myself. I don’t know where we went wrong, maybe he was immature or maybe I was just ahead of myself but in the mist of things, I could not be more grateful it happened. I learned I deserve better. I deserved a boy who would drive miles to see me or call me when I was drunk and lonely. I deserved better than a boy who kissed my friends and blamed it on anything but himself. I deserved a lot more than what I kept going back for. He will always have a place in my heart for sure. He taught me how to love deeply despite issues and showed me what young love was all about but the lessons I took from us ended, showed me he was just a reason after all. Thank you.
