This past weekend was Memorial Day and patriotism was everywhere I looked. At the pool I lifeguarded at, it seemed as though everyone was wearing red, white and blue and American flags were on everything. Now I noticed a few things about how our country as a whole appears to celebrate Memorial Day that bothered me.

I have heard the complaint that we should show Memorial Day more respect. We shouldn’t get drunk and throw a party at the pool or grill hot dogs and hamburgers and celebrate. It is a day or remembrance and we need to treat it with the respect that it deserves. Basically, men and women did not give up their lives so that we could have a 3 day weekend and party. But I call bull on that. I cannot tell you how many men and women I have come in contact with who have told me and others that their loved ones who gave their lives would have wanted us to party. Whether it is a naturally fun-loving spirit or the simple idea that an idea like freedom is greater than one individual, a majority of those close to our soldiers feel that is a perfectly acceptable way to remember their fallen friends.

While some believe that this is a disrespectful way to remember our fallen heroes, I personally think that its even more disrespectful to make a big show about how grateful we are for their sacrifice. Why? Because we give them 2 days a year and then never give it another thought. It’s only on Veteran’s day and Memorial Day that we are reminded of all those who have died serving our country.

Full disclosure, I am a pacifist. I mean look at me. Even when my dorm plays soldier, I play peaceful protester.

I have no desire to serve in the military and I believe that war, in 99% of cases, is wrong and immoral. I hate war. I do not, however, hate those who serve and have served in the military. If this is confusing to you, Mark Twain said it best when he noted that “patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it”.

So why do I hate war? Well let’s look at the cost for our soldiers. In January 2014, communities across America identified 49,933 homeless veterans. As if that was not enough, according to the US Department of Veterans Affairs, about 70% of those homeless veterans suffer from substance abuse problems and 45% of our homeless veterans suffer from mental illness, namely Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Within three years of leaving service, veterans had a suicide rate of 33.1%.

War is hell, and everyone knows it. It is not enough to talk about it 2 days a year. We cannot pay lip service to those who have died and continue to irresponsibly have troops in 74 different countries while France and the UK combined have bases in only 17 countries but that is another rant for another day.

All I ask is that you consider donating to one of a handful of worthy causes. Groups such as Support Homeless Veterans, who work with communities to end the epidemic of homelessness among American veterans. Or the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans, a non-profit that is a resource and technical assistance center for a national network that provides emergency and supportive housing, food, healthcare and job training and placement assistance to homeless veterans.

I understand that we all gave some when it came to any and every war in our country’s history, but some gave all. In their honor and in honor of all of those who come back from war only to find a country that does not do enough to help them get back on their feet, please consider keeping these troops in your thoughts and actually doing something to help them.