Excuse me while I get moderately personal and very, very whiny. I've been going to school for basically three weeks, and this semester is already wrecking me. Why, you ask? I don't know. But I'm gonna take you through some thoughts about what has made me fried.

So I am starting my junior year right now, which is a symbolically exhausting moment. I am feeling a strange combination of standing at the precipice of a cliff and looking up from the foot of a giant mountain. I am not super into either of those feelings; both are frightening, neither is fun. This time forces you to reflect on the last two years, the stuff you've done or haven't done, and what your resume so far is gonna seem like to employers. Then you need to look forward at where you're going. Not really sure which one upsets me more.

Then there's the course load. I really shouldn't complain 'cause I'm taking fewer classes than usual, but here I am. This semester I promised myself I would do my readings more diligently, which is not a small thing for me, a lazy and disorganized person. But I think it's time for me to stop coasting on sounding intelligent-ish and actually get down to knowing stuff. Which is hard.

I've also got a new job, which has given me back my weekends (YES) but takes up time in the middle of my day, usually reserved for last-minute assignment cramming. While I am very pumped for this new thing, suddenly I need to become way more functional about getting things done instead of relying on the eleventh hour.

Also, my friends are becoming busier and busier, too, so my usual social demands must be met differently. We can't mosey around getting lunch or spend time just sitting around. We all have more demanding classes, jobs or internships, and just general holding-it-together life-type-stuff. Where will I obtain fresh doses of validation and comfort? How can I dole out unnecessary, grandmotherly advice? Clearly, we are all at a crossroads. One I'm not ready for.

Anyway, life is stressful and I would prefer to be a soft, well-cared-for cat rather than a human trying to do Stuff.