Domestic violence is a subject rarely discussed, and even more rarely discussed is emotional abuse. However, although it's rarely discussed it's very real and can be very bad. In fact in a study of 1000 women 39%of them reported experiencing emotional abuse in a relationship in the past five years. Thankfully, there have been steps taken recently to start a dialogue about both physical and mental abuse in relationships. The recent viral hashtag #MaybeHeDoesn'tHitYou was one of the biggest platforms of discussing mental abuse. However, this is not enough. People still do not understand that abuse comes in many forms, and no matter the type of abuse it will leave scars. While the hashtag shows that emotional abuse exists, it does not show the lasting harm it can cause. I am speaking from experience. My ex never hit me, and that little fact made me keep my mouth shut about everything and stay with him. He never hit me, but he ruined me. I was in an abusive relationship, and although it wasn't the typical domestic violence situation, the damage it did to me was just as bad, and I refuse to stay silent about it because I refuse to let another girl think that just because he doesn't hit her, he's not hurting her.
He never hit me, but he told me what I could and could not wear. If by chance I did wear something to school that he disapproved of, he would do one of two things: make me wear his jacket, or give me a disapproving look and pretend everything was fine until after school where he would call me a whore and other names. This has caused me to become very self-conscious about what I wear, and even the slightest comment or look from someone causes me to second guess my whole outfit.
He never hit me, but he isolated me from all of my friends. He told me who I could and could not hang out with, and made certain that I spent every moment of every day talking to or spending time with him. Because of this, eventually, the only person I had to confide in was him. This has caused me to be very selective when picking people to be friends with and has caused me to not be very trusting of others.
He never hit me, but he blamed me for everything. This has caused me to be very apologetic, and to ask people for their opinions and permission before I do certain things.
He never hit me, but he called me names, and put me down every chance he got. He didn't like my weight, so he wouldn't feed me when I was at his house, he hated when I cut my hair short so he refused to be seen with me in public and called me countless names, and more. This has caused me to be severely self-conscious of my weight, it has caused me to hate my nose, and to see myself as ugly, even though I'm not. It has caused me to not believe someone when they give me a compliment.
He never hit me, but when he did hurt me, he always made it look like an accident. This has caused me to be very timid, I flinch at everything, I can't walk in front of someone when people hug my neck I cringe.
He never hit me, but he abused me. He left scars that no one can see and for the longest time no one knew about what he did to me, and I thought he had ruined me. What he did was wrong. He hurt me in ways no one else ever has, but I am not ruined. It took me a while to realize it but I am not the pain he caused me. I am not fat, or ugly, and I don't deserve to be treated like that, and neither do you, neither does any woman, or man who is in an emotionally abusive relationship. This type of abuse is serious, and it can leave scars that are deep, even if they are invisible, and it's time that every man and women realized what emotional abuse can look like, and also what the lasting effects of emotional abuse can be.
