It's been almost five years since he left my life and some days I still feel as worthless as he described me to be. I can still remember all the times he told me to go kill myself because I was actually trying to be my own person and not follow his every rule. I was so blinded by his control that I did not realize what a scared little girl was hidden behind that mask of a painted on smile. He made a shy fourteen old teenager grow up into a damaged young woman in the matter of a few months. When I should have been enjoying high school he caused me to have panic attacks in the bathroom and question cutting myself to take away the pain. He made me contemplate my self-worth in every relationship for years to come because I never really felt beautiful, especially after dating someone who would tell me I was gorgeous and then continue to call me a slut for saying hi to a guy friend.

At the end of the day, I became your slave of a girlfriend.You told me what to wear, how to do my hair, and defined my own identify.

"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men of depraved mind, rejected in regard to the faith."

2 Timothy 3:1-8

I am just one among many girls on my campus that have been in a relationship that did more than just break our hearts, but destroy our souls. I talked to at least a dozen girls who had gone through a similar toxic relationship, we all agreed that each brokness takes time to heal at it's own pace.

As I walked to class a couple months ago, I overheard a man basically threaten to throw his girlfriend off the bridge if she didn't shut up.My instant reaction was utter disgust, to him it may have been joking, but I could tell the emotional impact it was having on this fragile girl. As a woman, we need to overcome the power of a man who makes us feel so worthless every time we speak. Now granted there are certain type of people who can take that type of sarcasm, but at the end of the day, we should not have to because Christ wants to show love to each other and not this form of bitterness.

We grow up in a world where to some men it has become a double standard to belittle women and this mindset for grown men is not okay. Women deserve the utmost respect because at the end of the day we are fragile beings that can get worked up over the harsh daggers of words that can come out of a man's mouth. i don't know about you,but words If you have ever gone through something similar to this or know someone who has I just want you to know that the scars of someone constantly bringing you down are hard to overcome, but it soon becomes the masterpiece of your story. It may take months for you to trust anyone ever again or years, but time heals all wounds. The struggles God puts us through even in the darkest of times, there is a purpose for everything and in time we will learn to appreciate them.I am living proof that someone can destroy you, but you will come back stronger than ever especially in your faith. I am now able to us this experience of a TERRIBLE relationship to inspire other girls that are struggling to realize we are worth so much more than a man who dictates our every move. I will admit some scares feel like some days that they never fade like the fear of getting hurt again or never being worthy enough, but God has a way of fulfilling those broke pieces in ways that an earthly person couldn't even come close to.

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken."

Psalm 34:17-20