My Greatest Fear Is Disappointing My Parents

My Greatest Fear Is Disappointing My Parents

I worry that I will not live up to the expectations of my parents.

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I don't know what kind of parents you had, but all I know is that I have some of the most amazing parents on this earth. They have overcome so many obstacles in their lives, and for them to be where they are now is amazing. They've worked so hard so that I don't have to fight through the same challenges they did. I often feel as though maybe they think because it's easier for me, I will be better, but honestly, sometimes I find myself feeling suffocated by this pressure.

I for sure am having a completely different college experience than they are. My dad didn't have enough money to finish college after he decided that Music Composition was probably not the wisest career move, and went straight into the workforce. My mother got her teaching degree as a single mother when I was the age of two. She somehow managed to graduate with a 4.0. So here I am, working really hard to pursue a Marketing degree, with what seems like a dinky 3.6 GPA. I'm also extremely involved on campus, being a part of many clubs, jobs, internships, and I'm the treasurer of my sorority. I feel as though my accomplishments pale in comparison to the amazing college academics my mom seems to have on top of the busy lifestyle she had while raising me.


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When I try to express how unworthy and dumb I feel about being less than perfect, I don't know if my parents quite understand. My dad just seems to be happy that I'm working through college, while I can't help feeling like my mom expects so much more of me, and I'm not quite meeting her standards. Each transition of life, from elementary to middle school, from middle school to high school, and from high school to college, I feel as though I become less and less confident in my abilities. As a result, I can't help feeling like I disappoint my parents a little bit more each time I go through these transitions.

I understand that most of this is my own fault and my own anxieties getting in my way, but I really can't help it. One of my biggest fears is disappointing my family, and the oldest/only child in me can't seem to let that go. It doesn't really help that I still live at home, and I really don't have much escape. I'm not home often, because I'm working at things at school, or at a networking event, or even just trying to have fun with my friends. I feel guilty for not being with my family, but I also feel like this is my time to be independent and make my own mistakes. It's really hard for me to let go of the fact that I'm not going to please everyone.


Photo by Niklas Hamann on Unsplash


I don't know how other people feel about this transition, or if they are struggling like I am, but I do no know that change brings more change and not everything goes the way we want them to. I hope one day both my parents and I come to that understanding. I have to realize that my situation is much different from theirs, and it's impossible to live up to an expectation from a different experience or journey. A marketing degree is not a teaching degree, a job in college is different than a job outside of college, and we all have different demons to battle along the way. I just hope I can make it out while still making my parents proud of me.

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Dear Mom, Now That I'm Older

A letter to the woman who made me the woman I am today.
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Dear Mom,

Now that I'm older, I definitely appreciate you a lot more than I did as a kid. I appreciate the little things, from the random text messages to constantly tagging me on Facebook in your "funny" photos and sending me pins of stuff I like on Pinterest. Now that I'm older, I can look back and realize that everything I am is all because of you. You've made me strong but realize it's okay to cry. You've shown me how a mother gives everything to her children to give them a better life than she had, even when she's left with nothing. And, most importantly you've taught me to never give up and without this, I would not be where I am today.

Mom, now that I'm older, I realize that you're the best friend I'm ever going to have. You cheer me on when I try new things and support me in deciding to be whatever person I want to be. Thank you for never telling me I can't do something and helping me figure out ways to be the best woman I can be. Your love for me is unconditional. They say true, unconditional love can only come from God, but mom, I think you're a pretty close second.

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Now that I'm older, I don't get to see you as much. But not seeing you as much just makes the times I do get to see you the absolute best, and I look forward to it every time. Now that I'm older, I'm not going to live at home. But, I promise to always come back because I know the door is always open. Your house is always going to be my home, and no other place is going to be the same.

Now that I'm older, I realize how much I miss you taking care of me. I miss you making me dinner, making sure I was doing well in school, and taking me to endless appointments. I miss you waking me up for school and then waking me up again because I didn't listen the first time.

But, Mom, now that I'm older, I can see all that you've done for me. I can look back and see how big of a brat I was but you still loved me (and let me live) anyways. I can understand why you did certain things and frankly, you're one bada** of a woman.

To have you as my mom and my best friend has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. So, Mom, now that I'm older, thank you, for everything.

Love,

Your Daughter

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To The Mom I Appreciated Back Then, But Appreciate So Much More NOW

I hope you're proud.

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I started writing this articles about three to four months ago when I told my Mom how excited I was for this new opportunity before "I am proud of you" was said she screamed, "when do I get an article??"

Well, Mom, I told you never so you would get off my back, but here I am - writing you the article you deserve.

Mom,

I wrote about this in my letter to you and dad about your divorce but it reigns true, going to college showed me so much. I found people cursing their mother on the phone, never wanting to go home to see their mom and hating their mother with everything they had. I sat there in disbelief. How can you hate someone who did everything they could to give you the life you live? Who got you to where you are now.

I appreciated you before, but college made me realize how incredible you are.

Mom, thank you for raising me as a single parent - I know that Dad was always a big part of my life too but you did so much for me. Thank you for understanding me and what I needed even when I was not vocal about it. I never told you what I was feeling but you always seemed to know when something was off. Thank you for giving the best hugs, every time something is going wrong or I am missing home all I can picture an image is coming home to hug you.

That warm embrace that through everything was always there. Thank you for encouraging me, pushing me and never letting me give up. Thank you for showing me a strong woman, one that refuses to accept the glass ceiling, one who refused to let anyone get in the way of her and her goals. Thank you for loving me, supporting me and believing in me when I refused to do so for myself.

I know there have been times when we get rocky and our relationship was not perfect, it is a mother-daughter thing for sure, but thank you for showing me every time that your love, care, and devotion to who I am is unwavering.

Your taco chicken will forever be my least favorite meal and your singing will always be the last thing I want to hear. Yet I would not trade those for the world, I would not trade your crazy outlook and insistent ways for anything else.

I will never be able to repay you for what you did for me, but I will forever be so thankful and appreciative of it, I hope I make you proud.

Love you most,

Your Daughter

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