I received a phone call from you Sunday night. You're leaving. Moving hours and hours away. Countries away.

When I answered the phone, I was hesitant. It's rare that I receive a text from you, but a phone call is nearly unheard of. It's unheard of because it's been over a year since we decided to go our separate ways. Your voice was shaky, it trembled enough for me to discern that the words that were about to leave your lips, were words that you had never cared to speak. You're moving. You'll be out of here within a weeks time. You're leaving the United States to take on a new journey. My throat closed up. It closed as if I had an allergic reaction to the words you had spoken. The only words I could initially muster were, "I'm so happy for you. How exciting." My words masked the somber mood that had just become cast over me. In an instant, I felt two emotions. I was out-of-sorts, undoubtedly hurt. But at the same time that my mind was painted with blue, I was relieved.

We spoke of what's to come. The excitement of a new place, the excitement of growth, the excitement of a new beginning. With every word I spoke, my throat seemed to close further. It was becoming real. I held back my emotion, for you. I decided in that moment to put you first. And in the way that I understand you, I could tell you needed reassurance. As I am overcome with sadness and emptiness, I am overjoyed with the thought of your future. You have a fresh start to create something amazing. I am also excited for my future. It has the chance to be pure again. It is a future without the tainted thoughts of our past. We need physical separation and I am grateful for your opportunity to create the space between us.

I don't say I am grateful with ease. I will miss you. But my life has come a long way from where it was a year ago and it will only improve further. Just because you are no longer presented in front of me physically, does not mean your soul will be forgotten. A resounding thought came over me when I had time to sit down and process everything. You are still existing on the same Earth as me. Perhaps we will no longer reside in the same country. But you are breathing in the same air I breathe, waking up to the same sun and going to bed with the same moon. For that, I am contented.

You asked me to say goodbye, to visit you before you leave, but I am afraid I can't.

Goodbyes have never been a strong suit of mine, as we have learned throughout the years. It would be much more harm than help. I had closed the thought on a future of "us" a very long time ago. But I held onto the memories, I held onto the fact that I would still see you. Maybe bump into you in the store and ask how you've been. But that thought is soon disappearing. Saying goodbye would leave you happy, fulfilled, ready to tackle your newest journey. But it would take me back to a place that I never care to return to.

Rather than saying goodbye, I would like to thank you. I would like to thank you for the nights that you allowed my tears to seep through your shirt. Thank you for walking endless circles with me at night because you know that I love to talk. Thank you for sneaking out of your house to sit at the overlook with me. Thank you for expanding my mind. Thank you for loving me.

Although I never pictured our goodbye, thank you for saying hello.

Thank you for sitting next to me with your Rubik's cube.

Thank you for one of the best journeys and may your future journey live up to what you have given me.