I can replay it in my head like it was yesterday. The lights. The smells. The songs playing over the stadium speakers. They ring in my head like I was right there not too long ago. I hear it over the radio and my stomach plummets. My eyes start to tear and my bite my tongue to hold it in. I can remember it more than anything, because that was the day I would end my past life.

It started in the basement of our old house. Holding a big red bat spinning all the way around with each swing. My dad pretending to heckle. "Hey batta batta swing." I was barely two.

My parents gave me and my brother every opportunity to do the things we wanted to try. I tried soccer, but hated the running. I tried gymnastics and had absolutely no coordination. I golfed. I was a cheerleader. I played basketball. I even tried irish step dancing. No matter what it was, nothing compared to the sport that became everything about me. Softball.

Now, I will never tell anyone that I was the best there was, because I wasn't. I enjoyed the sport and everything that came with it, because quite frankly that part meant more to me than anything. I had big dreams as a kid, going off and playing in college. Hoping there would be a professional team one day. I never wanted my life of this game to end. Unfortunately big dreams came with even bigger realities.

In order to achieve your dreams of playing past high school, you really have to work for it. My parents let me do anything I wanted to try to get better. Hitting lessons. Pitching lessons. Strength and conditioning. They gave me every opportunity to succeed; a thing that sometimes I did not give them enough credit for. They pushed me to be a better person and a better athlete, and as most teenagers do, they push back. I did not play in a big girls sports kind of town, so when you were good enough to scare the other coaches you were good enough for the town.

I messed up many opportunities to become what I wanted to be in my dreams. I know now that I was the one who messed that up. Unfortunately for my younger self I am realizing that too late.

To the younger me,

Sports are not going to be able to be the only thing that get you through life. I know believing that makes everything much more simple, but trust me when I say that it is not true. When you feel like you are good enough, work harder to be better. When you see the f on your biology test, ask how you can do better don't just blow it off. Your love will last forever, but when you walk off the field at Camp Oakdale, leave what you left better than you found it.

To the past I left behind,

You are the reason I know how to love unconditionally. You are the one that helped me become confident in myself. The one that helped me believe in what I can do. Why I know that what ever I do, I am good at it. No matter what happens, you have always been my first love.

Coaching has continued to give me a pathway to my love. It is something I have and always will cherish. Thank you for always being my outlet. You helped me get through life just by stepping on that dirt. Thank you for shaping me into the caring, loving, helpful, compassionate person that I am today. I owe it pretty much all to you.