Sometimes building the right relationship can be hard, and it is incredibly discouraging when you find yourself in a pattern of failed attempts. Throughout the process of meeting someone, it is important to not pretend to be someone else, act like you care less than you do or even blame yourself if things don't end up working out. Here are seven things that people say about relationships that--in the end--can be detrimental.
1. “I ruined everything.”
Sometimes people are too quick to find fault in themselves as to why something didn't work out exactly as planned. They believe that if they had been less awkward, less needy or less stupid, things may have gone differently. The truth is, sometimes situations simply don't work out and it is never any one person's fault. We need to stop being conditioned to immediately believe that we were in the wrong and are to blame for somehow sabotaging everything.
2. "If I seem cool enough, they will take notice of me.”
While it is a good thing to put yourself out there and gain some confidence, it is vital to not think that you must change yourself in order for someone to notice you. If it takes you altering your image or acting like a completely different person in order to get someone you like back, it's time to question if all that effort over one person is really worth your time.
3. “I need to make them jealous.”
I admit that a very quick way to catch someone's attention is to stir up a little jealousy. This may involve paying lots of attention to a person on a night out and laughing a little louder than you should have. While there is no harm in proving to someone that you are well-liked, this behavior of finding satisfaction in another person's jealousy isn't a good basis for ANY future relationship.
4. “I need to play hard to get.”
I think the biggest problem when it comes to new relationships is that people are unwilling to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings. Instead, we'd rather act like we don't care as much as we actually do. We play hard to get and act uninterested, when that isn't actually how we feel. Instead, I think we should be bold and honest when we talk to our significant others, because that is how commitment, trust and security are gained.
5. “I have to find someone before he/she does.”
Sometimes things don't work out as we hope, and the person you had a 'thing' with is no longer in the picture. You may feel slightly hurt, but many people's approach to retaliation is to find a rebound before their ex-partner does. This is probably the WORST thing you can do, not only because it doesn't prove anything and means you are still prioritizing your ex in your life, but it's also not fair to the person you rebound with.
6. “I need to make sure they are still hung up on me.”
7. “I wasn’t good enough.”
Please, please, PLEASE never tell yourself this when something doesn't work out or if things haven't worked out several times in a row. There is nothing wrong with you. You need to know your worth and look for someone you truly deserve. Never settle for anything less, and, if that takes multiple failed attempts at relationships, don't take it as a testament to your "undesirability," your "unattractiveness" or an inability to live up to expectations.
Instead, we should try to be honest with ourselves about how we feel, what we deserve and who we want to be. The best types of relationships stem from a level of vulnerability and an effort to improve and love oneself instead of relying on other people to determine your worth.
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