The weirdest thing has been happening to me lately. I keep seeing these random guys with long hair and beards and mistaking them for the living incarnation of the second coming of our almighty Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The Bible says that Jesus will someday return and grace us with His presence, and based on all the terrible things going on in the world right now our Heavenly Father should seriously get a move on it. Every time I think I see the Messiah and think to myself that He must have finally returned, it ends up being just another dude with an overgrown beard. Here are five times that this has happened to me.

1. The First Time

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I was walking back to my car after a long day at work when I spotted a mystical being in the distance. As I got closer I thought to myself, "Hey, that dude kinda looks like Jesus! He must have come back at last!" I was totally starving that day so I was hoping Jesus would perform a quick miracle and whip me up something to eat, but no matter how many times I asked, the dude just kept staring at me with a blank expression. Based on his shopping cart and long beard, I confirmed he must be just some homeless guy, so I walked back to my car, full of hunger and disappointment.

2. The Second Time

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I was walking around downtown late at night when I suddenly heard a guy randomly shouting about how we were all going to suffer for our sins and we must repent in order to be saved. I said to myself "Yes, he's back!" But, as I got closer, I realized his hair wasn't long enough for him to be Jesus, and I eventually concluded that he was just some crazy homeless dude randomly shouting various bible verses. I continued walking with a disappointed look on my face, further awaiting the second coming of Christ.

3. The Third Time

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I was eating at a local restaurant when a guy with a great beard came in. He looked quite a bit like how Jesus usually does in movies, so I knew it had to be him. I carefully approached so that I could listen to what he was saying, and at first he was discussing world hunger, which got my hopes up even more. Then, the unthinkable happened. He got to the ordering counter and ordered a burger WITHOUT cheese. I knew right then that it couldn't be Him, because the real Jesus would never order such an abomination of a meal. I slowly finished my meal in silence, awaiting the day when I could finally shake Jesus' hand.

4. The Fourth Time

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As I was walking to class one day, I saw someone wearing a t-shirt with the words "I am Jesus" printed on the front. The person was handing out mini bibles and proclaiming to be the Lord and Savior. I was skeptical, since everyone knows the real Jesus would never admit to actually being Jesus. I kept quizzing him with random biblical trivia, and he was answering every question right. So, I asked him to perform a miracle, at which point he performed a brilliant card trick where he told someone to select a card from a deck, then magically told them which card they picked without ever seeing it. I was about to throw up my hands in worship, but then the guy suddenly admitted to being a professional magician/Jesus impersonator. He said the guilt of lying to people had become too much for him, and thus my dream of witnessing Jesus' return was once again dashed.

5. The Fifth Time

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I was hiking one of the many trails here in town when I realized I had not brought enough water with me. I began to feel nauseous and dehydrated. As I lay upon a pile of rocks and stared at the sky, I saw what I thought was Jesus extending a hand toward me, welcoming me into the light. It turned out to be just a fellow hiker with a long beard making sure that I was okay. He offered me some water and then I made it back home safely. Sadly, he was not Jesus. He was just a kind, bearded soul.

After mistaking all of these strange, bearded men for Jesus, I'm starting to think He might not be coming back after all. But I haven't lost faith yet. So every time I see a guy with a Jesus-y beard, I will continue to inquire as to whether or not the second coming of Christ is finally upon us.